2 for the price of 1
Monday, March 10, 2014
On Thursday last week the prompt on NaBloPoMo asked the question: Does blogging bring out my best or worst self?
This question is a bit hard to answer. I mean I wouldn't say that it brought out the best of me, but then again I wouldn't say that it brings out the worst in me either. I would say that blogging brings out the me that I sometimes do not know how to express in my daily life. In my blog I can say what I want about what I want and not have to fear because its my thoughts that I am putting out there. When I write on paper its because there is always a disconnect between my mind and my mouth. I always take into account people's feelings or my surroundings, but when I am writing all that doesn't matter. I can be free to express myself and there is no disconnect or room for interpretation because I give it to you the way that it should be given RAW and UNCUT!
You might say that, that is the best of me because it is the real me, but I would also argue and say that, that could also be the worst of me because the things I say are not so nice, real but not nice and I am not a mean person in the least. I believe that blogging has allowed me to tell the world how I feel about some of the things I see and some of the things that I hear, but often have no voice in speaking about because I don't want to ruffle feathers or the place and time isn't adequate for me to do so. But I do enjoy blogging and I think I'll be doing it for a while especially with all the emotions that I have running through me lately.
Now this is a prompt that I can get down to. Well lets see. I began this blog in 2007 I think and I want to say that in that time I have changed a great deal. I have found out a lot about myself and who I want to be and what I accept and all that jazz. In the 7 years that this blog has been active or rather semi-active what I find that is different about me is that I don't waste my time with insignificant people anymore. Before when I started blogging I would always question myself about things. Question why I wasn't this or why I didn't get that or something else that wasn't significant to my growth as a woman. I would ponder and question things that would make me cry often and that was the worst place to be.
In that depressive state my self-esteem and self love had hit an all time low. I didn't know who I was and I was hoping to find it in blogging and talking to people who didn't know me and couldn't offer me biased opinions. The blogging community allowed me to open up and be free. From reading others blogs or writing my own and having people comment this allowed me to grow and change and come into terms with myself.
Now 7 years later and with many many changes I know who I am and I know where I am going and I don't have time to spend on things that aren't important. I have learned to value what I have and to not waste time on insignificant things. Blogging is a great outlet, I didn't realize this before but I do now that I am older and more truthful to myself. Blogging has been that friend that I could tell my secrets to and not have them judge me. I know I am opening up myself for the world to see and that's OK because that's the purpose of blogging. I don't even care how many people view my blogs anymore. I used to be obsessed with page views and comments and what not but now I just do it to do it. If someone read and comments then that's great, but if no one does then I'll be ok with that too. I just like having a place to vent and let off steam every once in a while.
I know that I have a lot more growing up to do and that more changes are going to come but I no longer care for much more than I can offer. I give what I can and do with it what I please and if that doesn't please everyone else then SO WHAT.. I DON'T CARE!