Where have I been?
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
My step-dad has been with my mom since I was about 6 years old. He and my mom have stayed together for the last 26yrs of my life and to be honest they weren't the best of times. When I was younger my step-dad was good to me. He was almost like a dad, and I say almost because he did some of the dad things that I wanted, but my uncle was more of a dad to me than anything. As I have gotten older the attachment to my step-dad dwindled because he wasn't the nicest person. He was mean and combative and often just an all around miserable person to live with. He made my mom go through hell and it made me have a different outlook of him as a person. I have never wished evil on him, but there were times when I questioned why my mom didn't just leave the man. I never understood how women could stay with men that they weren't happy with. I guess there was a time when she did love him, but in the last couple of years I felt the change in them, and I know she was not happy.
I also became unhappy with him. I didn't want to be around my moms apartment anymore. I wouldn't say hello when I came in (saying hello or greeting hello upon entrance is important sign of respect in the Haitian household) I would just walk in and go to my room and not say a word. As the years have gone by this became the routine in my household. I wasn't mean to him nor did I curse at him, but the moments of talking and laughing and even eating in he same room no longer occurred. His children would come here to visit and I would have to fake the funk because I didn't want to show them that I wasn't very fond of their father. They didn't grow up with him like I have, they didn't live with him and they didn't have to endure the bickering and yelling that constantly occurred in my house between he and my mother.
His sudden passing has been the hardest on my mother. She wasn't prepared for it in any way. When she left home that morning she was supposed to come home and he would be there, but while on lunch the aide that was in the apartment with my step-dad called and informed my mom that he wasn't feeling well and that she should rush home. Where my mother works is about an hour or an hour and twenty minutes away. By some grace of God she was able to make it home in 45 minutes, but in those 45 minutes he had already passed away. She came home to police officers and EMT workers putting the white sheet over his lifeless body. She has taken it really hard and in turn it has been hard for me. I am an only child and as an only child you really depend on your parents not only for monetary help but to be strong and supportive. Never in my life have I ever witnessed my mom become so helpless. When my uncles and aunt and grandmother passed away she was sad, but not the way she is sad over my step-dad.
In these last couple of weeks, I've been trying to find my groove again. Trying to find how to get back to doing the things that I love i.e. blogging. So here is the post...
Oh wait let me tell you how I found out about my step-dads passing. So I was at work, doing the teaching thing, normal everyday thing. So as I am getting ready to leave my bf calls and asks if I am going to head to the gym after. I say no because I need to come home and get some work done (another thing I'm currently struggling with, but that's another story) so I get on the train and take the ride from the city into Brooklyn. As I am walking from the train station I get notifications on Facebook. It got to the point where it was so annoying and disrupting my "Rick Ross" time. As I get to the corner of my block I decide to check Facebook, and that is when I see that I was tagged in a post and the post read RIP to my step-dad. I was beyond shocked. I ran into my building and ran upstairs and opened the door and asked if my step-dad passed away. My mom and bf in addition to my aunts an them thought that I had to go the bathroom (normal everyday routine) but I said NO. I wanted to know if he passed away. After they confirmed it I sat down for about 25minutes as a mute. So that's how I found out that my step-father was no longer part of the living world.
As the months continue to roll by I will definitely try to be more accountable for posting. I need to work out a schedule to do all the things that I want to do including blogging.
Be back soon with another post.