Our destiny

If you haven't had the chance to pick up this month's Essence Magazine, I think you should. Outside of having sexy Reggie Bush on the cover (drooling... Lucky a$$ed Kim Kardashian) of the mag, there are some pretty interesting articles in there. One in particular struck a cord with me.

"God's Plan for you Life," by Bishop T.D. Jakes. In this article Jakes talks about the small intricate messages sent from God to tell you what your life's purpose is. He mentions that even as a young boy he knew that he had a calling, he knew that his ability to pray would lead him towards something greater, and that this was a message from God.

Jakes says that there are little clues and instances that let you see where you're supposed to be in life. Little voices (as he puts it) that let you know where you're going and where you need to be. Ever have that little voice tell you something and you completely ignore it. (Insert shaken head yes... right here)

I do believe that we have voices that tell us where we are to go in life. NO, these voices that are speaking to you aren't the ones that make you crazy, but you know that little voice inside your head that tells you that what you're doing is making a difference. I know I had this little voice and for a long time I tried to ignore it and put it off as me going crazy, or possibly fear because we weren't in a good economic position. This voice spoke to me last year (it was a lot louder than before) when I decided to apply for the New York City Teaching Fellowship. Something said to me, this is where I was supposed to be. This voice said that despite the hardships that might be placed in my way, I would make it and I would do it with the help of God and not to fear.

Everyone knows that NYC teachers aren't paid for the amount of stuff that we do, and sometimes we aren't acknowledged and some are deterred from the amount of work that being a teacher entails but you know what... I love what I do and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

If you're unhappy about something that you do for a living then it means that this wasn't the place for you to be. If you find that going to work isn't as fulfilling as its suppose to be reevaluate your life's path. What does that little voice inside your head or rather your heart say? You know you hear it, stop brushing it off to the side, stop ignoring it.. its speaking to you and you're not listening. Though the economy is bad, and you may need that paycheck does your job satisfy you? Do you feel like you've done something for the betterment of yourself when you punch out at the end of the day? If you answered NO to any, most, or all of these questions then this article is about you! Go and get this magazine. Your dislike for you job maybe for a reason... Trust your instinct (words from Bishop Jakes) God is pointing you in the right direction.. and if that direction isn't where you are now trust that you will be shown different ways to get to where you're supposed to be.

To quote Jakes " Do that good thing that comes naturally to you. Choose it over other people's approval or the pursuit of a fatter paycheck."

You will love yourself and love what you do if you do that. I know I do, and I did and now I'm at peace.

Devastation and Despair in Haiti!!

Tuesday did not end like I thought it would. As I was on my way home I didn't think that there would be a natural disaster that would trouble my homeland and effect so many of us like it has. When I got home Tuesday evening I was shocked to see that there was a huge earthquake that left thousands dead, and hundreds of others injured.

Haiti is a small portion of the island of Hispaniola. It was the first black nation to gain its independence in 1804, it has gone through its fair share of ups and downs with regimes, dictators, and coups. It is also known for Voodoo though more than 50% of the ppl in Haiti are Catholic. Its the poorest country on the western hemisphere, yet it is the place that I call home. I was born in Haiti. I lived in Haiti, and I have family that still live in Haiti. Tuesday's massive earthquake made my heart skip a beat and shocked me to no end. Never did I think that something so horrible could happen.

As we tried to call and find family to no avail it became evident that this would not end any time soon. Many like us would go days and nights without word from loved ones, many would hope for the best though the worst loomed ahead. I had cousins that lived in Haiti, I had friends that vacationed in Haiti and I feared for their lives and the lives of other Haitians who had family and friends there.

Little by little ppl around me found out about their family. Many were happy and overjoyed because their worst fears weren't actualized while there were others who were in complete despair because their worst nightmare became a reality. I had no contact with my family and it was a bit discouraging and I was apprehensive about what would be said to me after I was able to get into contact with family. By Wednesday morning we were still wondering what happened to our family. We wanted to know what happened to those we loved. Wednesday night there was some good news, and then it hit. Like a ton of bricks it struck us in the face.. we weren't going to be full of joy for too long.. ONE of our most precious gifts didn't make it..

I had a little cousin (actually 2nd cousin) named Tessa that lived in Haiti, she was 6 years old. My cousin (her father) decided that this was the perfect opportunity to go home and get her to come and live with him in the states. He figured that this natural disaster was his message to have her come and live with him. On Wednesday bright and early my cousin took the first flight down to the Dominican Republic and cross the boarder from Santo Domingo into Port-Au-Prince to get his little girl. He was certain that she was ok, he just knew that she would be ready and willing to come home with him. Unfortunately when he arrived she wasn't there to greet with open arms. My baby cousin had fallen into line with all those who had lost their lives in Haiti.

It pains my family to have to deal with this, its almost as if we're dreaming that our little angel is gone from us. We aren't able to fully understand what happened to Tessa! I have been out of it since hearing that she was taken from us. We are very close, from first cousins to 4th cousins and so on, we have always been and will always be close. We love each other and things like this hit us harder then we would've thought. I haven't been able to comprehend why she was gone so soon! I didn't get how in a house full of ppl, of grown ppl at that, this little girl who was 6 years old had to be the one to go?

Why did my cousin have to identify his daughter by finding her feet under the ceiling that crushed her in this massive quake. Why didn't her mother go and get her? WHy did her mother let this happen? How could her mother let this happen???I am so mad, and so hurt, and so heartbroken! I'm upset and I'm blaming the only person who could answer my questions, her mother.. Why didn't she run to get her when the quake started! Why didn't she shield Tessa with her body? Why didn't she... IDK DO SOMETHING!!! ANYTHING.. WHY DID SHE LET MY BABY GIRL DIE!!! HOW COULD SHE DO THIS!!!

My mom says that everything happens for a reason, she says God is good and he does things because he feels that its right. He is a loving father and wouldn't do something that he didn't feel was right. She says that we have to try and remain calm, pray for the repose of Tessa's soul but to pray for those who have also gone to meet our Father in Heaven! I need to not be angry but understand that God does his own thing on his own time.

I am asking all my friend, co-workers, church friends, extended friends, blogger friends, blogger lurkers, and so forth PLZ send what you can to Haiti. Plz help rebuild my homeland! Plz hear the cries for help and do what you can. Donate food, and water, clothes and toiletries.. If you are going to donate, please donate to Yele. Its one of the best.

Also while you're at it.. plz help me pray for the repose of the soul of this little angel. Ask that God keep her close and near. That he protect her and that he welcomes her home with open arms.

We'll miss her but we're going to ALWAYS remember her..

RIP Tessa Marcelin!! WE loved you, and will love you ALWAYS!!

Here is the Haiti that you have NEVER gotten a chance to see!

Happy New Year, but I'm still not ready YET!

2010 has begun and I have yet to post anything onto this site, actually I haven't posted anything since Thanksgiving and that is because my life is ONE HUGE BORE! I do nothing other than work and work and work, and my work is dealing with students and though that's a story within itself its not enticing enough to put on here, so I'm taking my time.

Another reason that I haven't posted anything onto here is because I haven't decided what I'm going to do just yet. I have so many things on the brain that I haven't made up my mind as to what I'm going to get into, or what I'm going to write that is going to convey my though process for the new year.

Give me some time, I'm trying to find myself.

OOh before I leave up outta here..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Yeah 9 days late.. but still!