Well well well.. Look who decided to finally do a POST

So guess who decided to finally make good on her promise to update this blog.. Yeah yeah I know.. ME.. and this time do I plan on making it a continuous habit.. all I can say is I will try... (yes I did just have a conversation with myself) soo here is what I was thinking which led me to write this here blog... Have you ever had a moment where life runs away from you and you don't know when things have changed? This is what is currently happening to me. I don't know when it happened but I am not able to focus and get things done like I used to. I was planning on coming back to blogging months ago, but then I always found an excuse not to write, or was always doing something that took me away from writing and I finally have so many things to say, and write about that I don't know where to begin.. From school to work to dating.. there have been so many different changes both good and bad, but I guess I'll just give a synopsis of everything and hope to make good on my "I'm gonna post regularly" promise

SO here goes...

I guess I will update about whats going on with school both teaching and attending..
I love the school where I teach. The kids are great (well some not all) and so are my colleagues. I must say that I have been blessed to work with some great ppl. They have helped me to become a better teacher (especially since last year I felt like I was thrown under the bus, but that's another post for another time cause that shit right there pissed me the hell off.!).. I can't ask for a better crowd of ppl. As far as administration goes.. um.. I can't really say that I like them that much, but I can understand the constant worry about school funding, but the shafting of the teachers to put yourself ahead.. that shit is not something I will ever be comfortable with and I don't understand it but it is what it is.. I guess when you're given such a high powered job and you're not really sure what to do the best thing is to make it seem like its not your fault.... but I digress... what I think about administration is that they should always put the students first.. nothing should be done at the expense of the teachers and at the expense of the students but again that's a whole other blog post.

As far as where I am attending school.. I can't complain. I am enjoying my program and I am hoping to be done within the next year. I have some decisions to make regarding certification but that will be done soon enough I hope.

So here is where things get a little bit effed up.. what else would I be talking about other than my LOVE LIFE or lack there of.. this is where things aren't as peachy or as simple as the work life.

I have been dating but its not with ppl that I have a genuine interest in.. Ok, wait that's not exactly true.. I have been dating ppl and they have gone fairly ok, but its not like I would hope it would be. There are some ppl that I am genuinely interested in and I am hoping that something come out of it, but what I find is that I'm continually getting involved with these emotionally unavailable men.

I don't know what is up with some of the men these days but they aren't as secure or resilient as they used to be. I'm always hearing the same things so much that I'm starting to wonder if this is part of a new code that men have devise to keep themselves single for as long as possible.

I have been hearing the "I'm SCARED" bit all summer.. Its getting really old!

We've gone on a couple dates, talked laughed, kee-kee'd it up.. and then comes the bomb heard around the world... I like you but "I'm SCARED!" WTF dude.. SERIOUSLY!!!!

I'm at the point where I just wanna say F&*K this  ISH and be done with it and be by myself. Now though it seems like a great idea I don't think I would actually go through with it because I do enjoy the male species and their company but the constant removal or admittance that they've been hurt has put me into a bind to where I wonder if this is even worth it.. But then I don't to come across like I'm jaded and bitter... so I keep an open mind

There is so much more to write but if I did then this post would be too long, so I'm going to end it here and hope that I can come back and continually write.

I've missed my blogger peeps.. I haven't done any reading like I used to and the writing well that's not like it used to be either.. I think I have to pen this portion of my day in.. or make a couple of days BLOG days..

But anywho.. I'll be around more often than the last time and make a conscious effort to actually update and post like I used to....

Um is this thing on...

Yeah, and here we are again.. how many months later and still no updates on the blog!! WTF, yes I know.. life couldn't have taken me away from blogging that bad.. there has to be some time in the day to write.. yeah there should be, but I don't know where my passion has gone.. I think I need something to spice up my life, and help me blog again..

Any suggestions.. I'm all eyes to whatever you have to say.. please be mindful that I will try ALMOST anything!!

Thanks in advance..

Oh btw, no more promises.. just action..

Going to write as much as I can!

Missing in Action

Damn,  I am looking at this blog and I wonder what the heck happened? I had made a promise to write as much as possible but it seems like I have fallen off so much on this blog writing thing! So much work at work, and so much school work to do that I haven't been able to keep up with this writing thing, and though I needed it I was absent.. but I'm going to try to make a conscious effort to write.. something, anything..

So hold out.. I'll be back..

Scouts honor!

Black Love

So, its is the day when we celebrate the ones we love or the ones we would want to love. Though this holiday isn't one that I'll be celebrating I can't help but smile at the cover of the new Essence magazine. On it, is the most beautiful couple I have seen, one that represents what I hope to attain one of these days. I am talking about BLACK LOVE. On the March 2010 cover of Essence is a picture of the president and his beautiful wife Michelle, to me they are the epitome of what many black women and men aspire to have, a good, solid, loving relationship that may have its ups and downs but you still make it work.(God willing)
Love is a word that is easy to say but harder to express, most of you may not agree, but the majority of you are most likely shaking your head at this (insert head shake riigghhhttt HERE) and when I say express I mean other than just buying things for the person you call bf or gf.  I know many women who brag about what their s/o buys them and they attribute this to love, but in actuality its not cause just cause he bought you that Gucci bag that you were wanted doesn’t automatically mean that he LOVES you, or it might if that’s what you chalk up love to.. Anywho, I admire President Obama and the first ladies relationship. They express how open and honest they are with each other. 
I know that relationships aren’t easy, it something that needs to be worked on daily, its just like learning to ride a bike or learning to drive, you have to keep trying until you're comfortable with it.  From the outside looking in you might assume that their marriage is perfect. but, they revealed that their marriage has been tough yet they have made it work for them and they work on it all the time. 
I think that this is what goes wrong with my relationships. I will admit that I am not one who makes it work most of the time. I am hard on the other person that I am with. I would say that its because I’ve been hurt but I think that, that would be a cop out so I’ll save that story for another time. I realize that the time it takes to work on it (a relationship) and have it work in my benefit takes time and though the person I am involved with and I have an argument or two I need to be understanding.. I’ll remember this for next time. 
I remember watching the special during the Christmas season with them (Obama’s) and Oprah. Michelle talked openly about why her marriage works. She says that when it is "all said and done" she still likes her husband. At first I wasn't understanding what she meant, I thought she was going to say something poignant and philosophical and all she said was that she still liked her husband.. (my light bulb took a couple of minutes to finally light ) I just had to sit and wonder what she meant by that... after some thought I understood. Love goes far beyond just the words, and the gifts and the fights. Its goes beyond expressions, it extends to where you like the person despite their faults and arguments that you may have with. You have to like the person that you're with, in addition to loving them.
Ladies, how many of us LIKE our s/o’s ? I mean you liked them in the beginning when you first started dating them, but how many of you still LIKE your boyfriend?  How many of you have instant attitudes when you and your bf have a simple fight? We black women sometimes have attitudes... well we have full bitchtudes but that’s besides the point. Yes, we do the neck roll and eye roll with the "You don' know me," " You ain't shyt" talk so quickly that we hardly have time to reflect on what happened to have the guy get upset, or why you're fighting with you. I must admit that we do things like this all the time and its hard to make a relationship work. Many other things contribute to the relationships demise but, Mrs. Obama says that there are certain things that we must remember  and the main thing to remember is that you "LIKE" the person. Michelle says that  she likes her husband even though they argue and if she hadn't liked him, then things would be much worse. 
So this is the reason why  THEIR marriage work..  well well well.. I guess this is what I learned today! I know that some of my married friends do not like the person they are with despite saying that they love their spouses.. 
If that isn't some philosophical shyt I don't know what is! Mrs. Obama made so much sense that I had to ask myself how many of my ex’s did I actually like?  ............. (me thinking) what I found was that I really didn’t LIKE them especially since I couldn’t find reasons or ways to make the relationships work. Yes, I know the relationship is a two way commitment, and my ex’s did contribute to the demise of our “LOVE” but I will take blame for what I did, and I will say that I really didn’t like the man that I was with. 
So my takeaway message  is to make things work, in addition to being patient and kind and LOVING, i have to “LIKE" them, and talk it out and you'll be ok."
So as you celebrate you vday with the one you love plz remember you like who you're with in addition to loving them.. If it can work for the Obama's it can work for us too...

Happy Valentines Day

L'union fait la FORCE!

As I get ready for my friends baby shower I can't help but think about how fortunate this child will be to grow up in this new era where Haitian people are better off than they were 15 -30 years ago.

I know hatred towards Haitians is still alive and it rears its ugly head now more than when it did years ago but I still feel a sense of pride knowing that this child will not have to endure the pains and struggles that many in my generation had to.

What struggles you may ask.. well when I came to this country midsummer 1986 being Haitian was as bad as having a dog bite you in the ass. I remember all the names that they used to call me just because I was haitian, and all the times I had to stick up for myself and tell people how great my country was.

As an immigrant in this country it is often hard to overcome the obstacles of being different from the rest when the rest who are different (like you are)make fun of you. When I came here there were so many derogatory comments made about my people that I often had to lie about where I was from. (I'll fess up to it, I was one of those Haitians who claimed that they were Jamaican, then became Canadian when they questioned me about my name.)Trying to hide my Haitianness (add that to your urban dictionary) was harder than I had expected. My name screamed HAITIAN but I tried to say that I wasn't. In hindsight I wish that I never denied this because my country held a history that is revered world wide. Trust me it never worked cause with a name like mine HAITIAN is all that they could think of.

When I attended catholic school it was easy to let my haitianness run free because everyone at the school was haitian like me. There was nothing to fear and nothing to feel embarrassed about because everyone spoke creole, everyones parents said their name with an "ou" at the end, and everyone had embarrassing haitian moments to share. I loved being there, I was no longer different, I was never made fun of (well not for being haitian anyway). I shared something with the others and we weren't outcasts.

When I entered High School I had a fear that the torment and torture of being Haitian would return, but I vowed that if I was asked if I was Haitian I would NOT deny it. Lucky enough for me that when I entered H.S. in 1995 it was the around the same time that the "Fugees" came out. In the group there were 3 people of caribbean heritage and two of them were Haitian and one Jamaican. Instantly I thought, No, this could not be. Never has there been a haitian in Hip-Hop.. (well none that openly admitted it), that is until Mr. Jean did it. I remember walking through the Halls of John Dewey H.S. and thinking shyt it feels great to be Haitian. Were is your Haitian Booty Scratcher scratcher now??

That summer when "Ready or Not" hit the streets of Brooklyn it was like a Haitian invasion came through. Everywhere you went you heard people speaking creole (the official haitian language) all the Haitians who had denied being Haitian came out of the wood works to celebrate their culture. On Eastern Parkway that summer every Haitians from all parts of the United States, Canada, Haiti, etc. came to show their love for their country. It was as if we needed a small doorway to finally being accepted and when Clef gave that to us, that is all we needed to make our presence felt. Every where you went you heard people screaming out "Sak Pase." (Whats up?) to anyone and everyone who was Haitian.

SO, on this Saturday in Black History month I want to give a shout for the one Haitian that I know that never turned his back on his people. He stood with the flag strong for years when many said that we had HBO!

The son of a Haitian preacher Wyclef was born in Haiti's capital Port-au-Prince. When he was 13 Wyclef's parents moved to Brooklyn, NY then after sometime his family left and moved to New Jersey. As a member of the hit group Fu-gees Wyclef changed music to introduce the cultural styles of the caribbean and brought light to his motherland of Haiti.

Wyclef has made music with legendary singers Celia Cruz, Carlos Santana, Earth Wind & Fire, Mary J. Blige and many others. He has recorded remakes of legendary songs "Guantanamera" by Celia Cruz and "No Woman No Cry" by Bob Marley. His joy for making music resonates in multi-platinum selling albums.

Every time you see Wyclef you see the Haitan Flag. He holds it up with pride and honor. He isn't afraid to tell you of his love for his homeland. When the earthquake hit this past January Wyclef was the first to fly down and see if everyone back home was ok. (My cousin was on the same flight with him and King Kino that dreadful Wednesday morning)

I love and admire this man for his undying love for his country. I love that there hasn't been a moment when he didn't shout our his home. Wyclef I want to thank you for always being true to your country. Though many of us have denied our home you have NEVER been one to do so. While some people are still hiding the fact that their Haitian you have stood strong in your love for our home. Thank you for being a pioneer in this "HAITIAN REVOLUTION"

In our language I say, Wyclef mesi pou tout sa'w fe pou pep Ayisien yo. San ou nou pa kon kikote nou tap ye! Nou mande Bon Dieu pou'l toujou kenbe'w nan pla men'l paske ou fe ke nou kontan!! * (Wyclef, thank you for all you have done for the ppl of Haiti. Without you, we don't know where we'd be. We ask God to keep you in the palm of his hand, because you fill our hearts with joy!)

Always Reppin Haiti!!

Black History Month

Its that time of year again, yes the time when all schools in the U.S. take the time out to give the African Americans some sort of recognition! As an educator I am not happy that African American history isn't part of plain old American history. I never quite understood why when we were learning about Abraham Lincoln, and George Washington they never threw in George Washington Carver, or Fredrick Douglas? Now that I am not sitting behind a desk learning, but instead standing in front of the ones in the desks trying to learn I insist on trying to change this one month of African American history by telling my students of the great African American entrepreneurs, doctors, educators, writers, poets, leaders that have paved the way for them. all year round. But, since it is the month of Februry, the one month designated to us I will take part in the celebration. I have told my students about those who were held captive and beaten because of the color of their skin. I have spoken to them about the trailblazers that were persecuted because of their differences or because they spoke up about the inequality. I try to instill in students morals and pride in who they are and what they are to become because they are able to obtain their education not only because its free but because it was fought for.

As the month is highlighted as "Black History Month" I want to take the time to acknowledge my leaders, my mentors, those who I look up to, plainly I want to take the time out to say acknowledge those who have made me who I am today.

Let us join in with the rest of these here United States and take a moment during this month to say THANK YOU to all those who have done something for us, and who are doing something for us!

I will start today with:

Dr. Maya Angelou!

Dr. Angelou is one of my favorite poets, and writers. As an english major and a lover of literature her works are some of my favorite. From her book " I know why the caged bird Sings" to her poems " Phenomenal Woman," and "Still I Rise" Dr Angelou has contributed immensly to the upliftment of the Black people. She has done so much for the African American woman that I cannot NOT give her my first spotlight.. Dr. Angelou spoke and organized with Malcolm X, started and organization with Dr. King, danced with Alvin Alley, her friend was James Baldwin. She spoke on Alex Haley's "The Roots." She read her poem in one my favorite movies " Poetic Justice." Dr. Angelou is definitely one of my favorite trailblazers!

As we celebrate Black History Month let us take pride in knowing that it is with the strength and diligence of ppl like her that we are able to be free!

by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Our destiny

If you haven't had the chance to pick up this month's Essence Magazine, I think you should. Outside of having sexy Reggie Bush on the cover (drooling... Lucky a$$ed Kim Kardashian) of the mag, there are some pretty interesting articles in there. One in particular struck a cord with me.

"God's Plan for you Life," by Bishop T.D. Jakes. In this article Jakes talks about the small intricate messages sent from God to tell you what your life's purpose is. He mentions that even as a young boy he knew that he had a calling, he knew that his ability to pray would lead him towards something greater, and that this was a message from God.

Jakes says that there are little clues and instances that let you see where you're supposed to be in life. Little voices (as he puts it) that let you know where you're going and where you need to be. Ever have that little voice tell you something and you completely ignore it. (Insert shaken head yes... right here)

I do believe that we have voices that tell us where we are to go in life. NO, these voices that are speaking to you aren't the ones that make you crazy, but you know that little voice inside your head that tells you that what you're doing is making a difference. I know I had this little voice and for a long time I tried to ignore it and put it off as me going crazy, or possibly fear because we weren't in a good economic position. This voice spoke to me last year (it was a lot louder than before) when I decided to apply for the New York City Teaching Fellowship. Something said to me, this is where I was supposed to be. This voice said that despite the hardships that might be placed in my way, I would make it and I would do it with the help of God and not to fear.

Everyone knows that NYC teachers aren't paid for the amount of stuff that we do, and sometimes we aren't acknowledged and some are deterred from the amount of work that being a teacher entails but you know what... I love what I do and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

If you're unhappy about something that you do for a living then it means that this wasn't the place for you to be. If you find that going to work isn't as fulfilling as its suppose to be reevaluate your life's path. What does that little voice inside your head or rather your heart say? You know you hear it, stop brushing it off to the side, stop ignoring it.. its speaking to you and you're not listening. Though the economy is bad, and you may need that paycheck does your job satisfy you? Do you feel like you've done something for the betterment of yourself when you punch out at the end of the day? If you answered NO to any, most, or all of these questions then this article is about you! Go and get this magazine. Your dislike for you job maybe for a reason... Trust your instinct (words from Bishop Jakes) God is pointing you in the right direction.. and if that direction isn't where you are now trust that you will be shown different ways to get to where you're supposed to be.

To quote Jakes " Do that good thing that comes naturally to you. Choose it over other people's approval or the pursuit of a fatter paycheck."

You will love yourself and love what you do if you do that. I know I do, and I did and now I'm at peace.

Devastation and Despair in Haiti!!

Tuesday did not end like I thought it would. As I was on my way home I didn't think that there would be a natural disaster that would trouble my homeland and effect so many of us like it has. When I got home Tuesday evening I was shocked to see that there was a huge earthquake that left thousands dead, and hundreds of others injured.

Haiti is a small portion of the island of Hispaniola. It was the first black nation to gain its independence in 1804, it has gone through its fair share of ups and downs with regimes, dictators, and coups. It is also known for Voodoo though more than 50% of the ppl in Haiti are Catholic. Its the poorest country on the western hemisphere, yet it is the place that I call home. I was born in Haiti. I lived in Haiti, and I have family that still live in Haiti. Tuesday's massive earthquake made my heart skip a beat and shocked me to no end. Never did I think that something so horrible could happen.

As we tried to call and find family to no avail it became evident that this would not end any time soon. Many like us would go days and nights without word from loved ones, many would hope for the best though the worst loomed ahead. I had cousins that lived in Haiti, I had friends that vacationed in Haiti and I feared for their lives and the lives of other Haitians who had family and friends there.

Little by little ppl around me found out about their family. Many were happy and overjoyed because their worst fears weren't actualized while there were others who were in complete despair because their worst nightmare became a reality. I had no contact with my family and it was a bit discouraging and I was apprehensive about what would be said to me after I was able to get into contact with family. By Wednesday morning we were still wondering what happened to our family. We wanted to know what happened to those we loved. Wednesday night there was some good news, and then it hit. Like a ton of bricks it struck us in the face.. we weren't going to be full of joy for too long.. ONE of our most precious gifts didn't make it..

I had a little cousin (actually 2nd cousin) named Tessa that lived in Haiti, she was 6 years old. My cousin (her father) decided that this was the perfect opportunity to go home and get her to come and live with him in the states. He figured that this natural disaster was his message to have her come and live with him. On Wednesday bright and early my cousin took the first flight down to the Dominican Republic and cross the boarder from Santo Domingo into Port-Au-Prince to get his little girl. He was certain that she was ok, he just knew that she would be ready and willing to come home with him. Unfortunately when he arrived she wasn't there to greet with open arms. My baby cousin had fallen into line with all those who had lost their lives in Haiti.

It pains my family to have to deal with this, its almost as if we're dreaming that our little angel is gone from us. We aren't able to fully understand what happened to Tessa! I have been out of it since hearing that she was taken from us. We are very close, from first cousins to 4th cousins and so on, we have always been and will always be close. We love each other and things like this hit us harder then we would've thought. I haven't been able to comprehend why she was gone so soon! I didn't get how in a house full of ppl, of grown ppl at that, this little girl who was 6 years old had to be the one to go?

Why did my cousin have to identify his daughter by finding her feet under the ceiling that crushed her in this massive quake. Why didn't her mother go and get her? WHy did her mother let this happen? How could her mother let this happen???I am so mad, and so hurt, and so heartbroken! I'm upset and I'm blaming the only person who could answer my questions, her mother.. Why didn't she run to get her when the quake started! Why didn't she shield Tessa with her body? Why didn't she... IDK DO SOMETHING!!! ANYTHING.. WHY DID SHE LET MY BABY GIRL DIE!!! HOW COULD SHE DO THIS!!!

My mom says that everything happens for a reason, she says God is good and he does things because he feels that its right. He is a loving father and wouldn't do something that he didn't feel was right. She says that we have to try and remain calm, pray for the repose of Tessa's soul but to pray for those who have also gone to meet our Father in Heaven! I need to not be angry but understand that God does his own thing on his own time.

I am asking all my friend, co-workers, church friends, extended friends, blogger friends, blogger lurkers, and so forth PLZ send what you can to Haiti. Plz help rebuild my homeland! Plz hear the cries for help and do what you can. Donate food, and water, clothes and toiletries.. If you are going to donate, please donate to Yele. Its one of the best.

Also while you're at it.. plz help me pray for the repose of the soul of this little angel. Ask that God keep her close and near. That he protect her and that he welcomes her home with open arms.

We'll miss her but we're going to ALWAYS remember her..

RIP Tessa Marcelin!! WE loved you, and will love you ALWAYS!!

Here is the Haiti that you have NEVER gotten a chance to see!

Happy New Year, but I'm still not ready YET!

2010 has begun and I have yet to post anything onto this site, actually I haven't posted anything since Thanksgiving and that is because my life is ONE HUGE BORE! I do nothing other than work and work and work, and my work is dealing with students and though that's a story within itself its not enticing enough to put on here, so I'm taking my time.

Another reason that I haven't posted anything onto here is because I haven't decided what I'm going to do just yet. I have so many things on the brain that I haven't made up my mind as to what I'm going to get into, or what I'm going to write that is going to convey my though process for the new year.

Give me some time, I'm trying to find myself.

OOh before I leave up outta here..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Yeah 9 days late.. but still!