Growing up ain't easy!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Do you ever find yourself growing away from those who've you've known for a long time? People who have known you since you could barely walk are now not the people who you want to hang with and be with anymore cause your direction isn't the same as theirs, but the sad thing is that they don't understand your personal growth and they take it as a personal stab at them and they say things that make you think that you're growing up and they're not.
Well this is my dilemma. My family and I are very very close, some of us are best friends even, but lately I feel like I'm growing apart and growing up from them and they are being very hard on me for wanting to grow up and take a new direction in my life. Should I feel bad that I'm growing away? Should I stay around them and not evolve as person and make decisions for myself?
If you know me, as in KNOW ME, KNOW ME, you know that I am the go to person in anything familial. I am the person who gives money, or gives assistance or the person to borrow things from. I am the person who goes to parent teacher meetings, who checks homework, who reads over papers and everything else because I'm the eldest. But as I am nearing my 30's I am trying to make things more about me and less about them and guess what, I'm getting shyt for it.
When I mean getting shyt for it I'm hearing that I leave my old friends for my new ones, and I dont' want to do this cause I have new people in my life, and I think I'm this and I think I'm that and blah blah blah... Its not that I think I'm anything its that I feel like I don't need to take care of GROWN PEOPLE anymore, and I have to take care of me. I want to experience life for what it is. Don't get me wrong I love my family members but I feel like I am used most of the time. When they need to borrow something who do they call? ME! when they need something done who do they call? ME. When they need a job who do they ask? ME. When they can't do anything who do they run to? ME.. its always NELLY CAN I, or NELLY CAN YOU, or NELLY I NEED, or NELLY CAN I HAVE, or NELLY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN.. and when I need something who do I call..................... NO ONE!! I do it myself...
I'm learning that I really can't count on anyone (please don't take offense some of you who read this are my really good friends and I love you but you know what I mean) I have me myself and I (after God and mom that is) and to make it I have to distance and put myself first and everything will work out, or at least I hope that is what happens.
Growing up is really tough, and sometimes the ones you love are the ones that don't understand. I hope in time they learn, and I hope that by the time their 30 they see what I meant.