metro sexual does not = to gay!!

While making my trip around the office cause these are my last days in the office, my co-worker stops me and asks me a very random question.. he asks if a metro-sexual man can be deemed gay? Wth? Where did this question come from and why was he asking me? But I decided to oblige and answer; At first I was going to say yes, but then I thought no.

See, I like a well groomed man. A man who knows how to wear his clothes and not have his clothes wear him. But many men can take this the wrong way and see it as guy being undercover gay. Just cause a guy takes pleasure in keeping himself clean and proper doesn't mean that he's gay. Not by any means is he gay. I just think that he has a strong sense of self and takes pride in making sure that his shoes are clean, his clothes are well done his hair is freshly cut and that his nails do not have dirt under them. Read "How to know if you're a Metrosexual" The men that I consider metro-sexual are always well taken care of.

Here are some guys that I consider metro-sexual.

John Legend

Jude Law

David Beckham (he is so sexxxy, just damn)

Brian White ( I LOVE HIM, I'd have his babies if he and I met but that's another story)

and of course the quintessential metro-sexual male in my book, who is sometimes seen as a homosexual would have to be my homey..

Kanye West

Now that I got your attention on the subject matter you see what I am talking about when I say metro sexual males. I know some of you may not agree when it comes to Kanye but I don't think he's gay, and if he is so what the man knows how to dress. A well dressed man is like finding the right pair of shoes. When you find one you just sit and watch in awe and admiration and also its just a great thing. I love a well groomed man and these men are well groomed. Why does a man's sexuality have to be questioned when he is clean and wrinkle free? If a guy goes to get his hands manicured or gets a pedicure he's questionable. Wearing pink doesn't make you gay or questionable either ( I think a real man can wear pink and look fabulous in it) You aren't gay if you wear a pink shirt, that myth is for little boys who think girls have cooties...

See Kanye makes it look GOOD!!

Ladies don't you love when you man looks and smells good?? I know I do, I can sniff you or make a reason to walk by and smell you if you're on of the guys who splash (not bathe in) good smelling cologne. Guys don't you like to smell and look good? Does it make you gay if you are in a certain attire? Do you look at a guy suspiciously if he's doing something that you wouldn't consider manly??

Let me know your thoughts!!

Metro-sexual does not = gay!! Well in my book it doesn't

Honesty is always the best policy

I remember blogging a while back about being honest and telling what I feel and not keeping things away from anyone, cause in the end it hurts me in addition to hurting the other person. But how many of us have been completely honest to those who we claim we love? How honest are you willing to be? Would you be honest if you knew that once you told the truth you'd have that love lost?

Yesterday when I was on my way home I bumped into an old friend from H.S. We decided to catch the train to Brooklyn together. He filled me in about his brothers (He's a triplet) told me what they were up to and how many kids each had. Said that they each had a brewd of their own, he told me that the oldest of the 3 of them had 3 of his own, and the youngest (they are a minute apart) had 3 surrogate, cause his girlfriend died he kept the 3 children she had and adopted them but doesn't have any of his own biologically, when asked how many he had he promptly told me 5. No you didn't read wrong he has 5, yes 5 babies, by 2 different women.. I mean whatever is clever but wow.. that's a lot, but what threw me for a loop wasn't that he had 5 babies at 29, what caught me off guard was that he told me that his current girlfriend of 5 years does not know about his children? No, again you didn't read wrong, his current girl soon to be wife (he's considering marriage) knows nothing of his 5 (count them 5) babies.

For lack of a better word I was fcuking shocked! I was shyt faced cause I couldn't believe that he would be with a woman that long and not tell her that he was already a father (she wants babies of her own from what he says). Is that actually possible. Can you keep something like that from someone, and if so how do you keep that a secret? I asked him how come he has never told her he says that he loves her and doesn't want to hurt her? WTH?? Nope homey you don't love her... thats impossible.. there is no way on GOD'S green earth you love her.. .I don't believe him!

How can you love someone and keep something to big away from them? He says that he tries to make her life as simple as possible because she works hard and has this career and blah blah blah... (insert confused face right here cause I'm sure as heck confused about this) He says that he tries his best to keep her away from his family, cause if she is around them they would tell her.. UGH YEAH! Cause she has every right to know. She knows he a triplet, thank God (imagine how embarrassing that would be if she ran into the other two and thought they were him.. no bueno) but she knows nothing of his 3 babies that range from 8-2! They don't live with him from what he says, his eldest lives upstate with his mom, and the other 4 live with their mom on Staten Island, while they live in Brooklyn. He tells me that if I was to ever run into them walking not to utter a word to her.. and I promptly said " My name is Joe and I don't know" I have no reason to tell her your business, but I think you should tell her, especially if she wants to give a son of her's your name and make him a junior when he'd actually be the 3rd!

How can someone keep something like this from someone they claim they love. I know I've done some not so righteous things, and told a few lies here and there, but nothing of this magnitude. I know honesty is the best policy and its better to tell the truth than to lie and then get caught in the lie. But, how to come clean about this? I Have no clue!

what to do? what to do?

Catching up

Its been a while since I've written. Been busy working and getting ready to start on a new venture in my life. Well first let me tell you about the job, my current job is about to be my old job!!

I have been accepted into the June 2009 NYC teaching fellow program!! I am excited, and also very nervous. I have been in the library system since I graduated from H.S. in 1999 and I'm making a big step into the working world were what I do doesn't only affect me but it also affects the children I will be teaching. I must say that this is the beginning of many beautiful things for me, well I hope thats what happens. I know that I am going to be teaching in the "needed" schools but I like giving back, I can relate to these kids I hope that I can make a difference... I'll keep you posted. I leave my job at the library on the 1st of June, and right now I have the "I don't wanna do anything and you can't fire me so ha attitude!" I'm working, but not working.

As for the men in my life, hmmmm its non-existent. The guys that I used to talk to have since disappeared and I'm ok with it. I am not confused nor do I wonder what happened either. Sometimes in life things happen that way and you just have to accept things as they are. That doesn't mean that I am going to be keeping myself away! No definitely not, I am open to dating and getting to know someone on a personal level and if it works out then its fine, and if not then thats ok too.. No need to over analyze (hard for me cause I think and plan a lot)

Family members are eh, sometimes they ask how I'm doing sometimes they don't and I'm fine with it. I'm about me! Making myself a better person than I was yesterday, they stopped asking for things, stopped asking for me to do things, I told them about my new venture a couple were happy a couple said nothing, not a congrats nothing... but you know something thats Ok, cause I'm happy for myself cause I worked hard for it and I made it happen..

Now only thing is to look for a school to teach in. Thats the only thing with the fellowship, they do not look for a school to place you in. You have to find it on your own, I'm on my search now.. so if any of you know of schools in the brooklyn area, that is hiring for the fall in special education please let me know...

I'll post more often, I have some office drama to tell...

Until next post.

Looking deeper and not away

My friend and sawrah has been avidly blogging, she's gotten addicted to the blogger world, and I have to admit that I have fallen in love with her blog site! The reason for this post is because she has been talking a lot about her bond with God and letting us all into the path of faith that she has been walking, and I find that my own path with God has wandered off into almost non-existence.

I am a strong believer in God, anything you ask will always have an answer that leads back to God and having him first, but as of late last year I have found that my bond with him has faltered. I know its not his fault its mine, and mine alone and I have yet to reconcile that. I haven't gone to church like I should, and I haven't been reading my bible as I used to. I do talk to him, but not as much as I used to, (God and I used to have these long talks about everything, and yes he answers back, that voice isn't your conscious telling you things its him.. listen carefully)

I went to a retreat with my mom this past sunday after spending the night partying it up with friends, needless to say I was exhausted. When I got home from the party on Sunday morning I had enough time to change my shirt and my shoes and hop on a bus to head to an all day long spiritual retreat. I was upset and tired and aggravated. I wanted to know why I was the one that always had to go and why my other cousins couldn't go? I behaved like a child and I was being a brat, I was all for losing my $40 that I paid to go on this trip. I huffed and puffed but got on the bus, I went to the retreat and I fell in love by the end of the day, exhaustion aside I was glad that I went.

Do you ever wonder how many times God is going to give a sinner like us a chance to make things right? How many time is he going to welcome us with open arms until he's tired of our saying sorry and turning around and doing something else that's so stupid? I know he's a forgiving God and loving father, but you ever wonder when he's had enough of our lame attempts of doing things right, and just failing? Or is it just me?

I witnessed a lot of great things at this retreat. I feel a stronger bond with God, I feel that I will be getting back to my ways of prayer reading. ( To really hear God speak, try writing down what you have to say to him, and see what he says back to you.. when you write down what he says and read it back to yourself, you'll be pleasantly surprised) I prayed and cried and felt good afterwards, I needed that release and I'm glad I got it. When it was time for us to leave the church grounds I felt uplifted and weightless... I know its going to take some time before I go back to going to church and reading my bible, but I know one thing is for sure.. MY GOD, OUR GOD, loves me beyond words, and I LOVE HIM through it all... and though I may fall a million and one times, I know he'll be there to receive me a million and one times.. I just have to try harder...
With easter on Sunday, I want to tell you, all of you who have strayed a bit from our father, give him a ring.. he's always there to pick up and he's always there to listen to you whenever you have a problem or just to talk, and one thing for sure, he keeps all your secrets.

Just get up! Don't stay down... GET UP!!!

Live in Love, cause GOD is LOVE!!
Have a wonderful easter!

Growing up ain't easy!

Do you ever find yourself growing away from those who've you've known for a long time? People who have known you since you could barely walk are now not the people who you want to hang with and be with anymore cause your direction isn't the same as theirs, but the sad thing is that they don't understand your personal growth and they take it as a personal stab at them and they say things that make you think that you're growing up and they're not.

Well this is my dilemma. My family and I are very very close, some of us are best friends even, but lately I feel like I'm growing apart and growing up from them and they are being very hard on me for wanting to grow up and take a new direction in my life. Should I feel bad that I'm growing away? Should I stay around them and not evolve as person and make decisions for myself?

If you know me, as in KNOW ME, KNOW ME, you know that I am the go to person in anything familial. I am the person who gives money, or gives assistance or the person to borrow things from. I am the person who goes to parent teacher meetings, who checks homework, who reads over papers and everything else because I'm the eldest. But as I am nearing my 30's I am trying to make things more about me and less about them and guess what, I'm getting shyt for it.

When I mean getting shyt for it I'm hearing that I leave my old friends for my new ones, and I dont' want to do this cause I have new people in my life, and I think I'm this and I think I'm that and blah blah blah... Its not that I think I'm anything its that I feel like I don't need to take care of GROWN PEOPLE anymore, and I have to take care of me. I want to experience life for what it is. Don't get me wrong I love my family members but I feel like I am used most of the time. When they need to borrow something who do they call? ME! when they need something done who do they call? ME. When they need a job who do they ask? ME. When they can't do anything who do they run to? ME.. its always NELLY CAN I, or NELLY CAN YOU, or NELLY I NEED, or NELLY CAN I HAVE, or NELLY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN.. and when I need something who do I call..................... NO ONE!! I do it myself...

I'm learning that I really can't count on anyone (please don't take offense some of you who read this are my really good friends and I love you but you know what I mean) I have me myself and I (after God and mom that is) and to make it I have to distance and put myself first and everything will work out, or at least I hope that is what happens.

Growing up is really tough, and sometimes the ones you love are the ones that don't understand. I hope in time they learn, and I hope that by the time their 30 they see what I meant.