disclaimer: these events happened before the "aggressive" post. Just didn't know how to word this post, and post it. But since I'm over it and him both in the same instance I decided to share why he and I will NEVER be together and probably never be friends again. Totally not worth my time!
Oh btw, I am so sorry for the long drawn out conversation, had to make sure that I got everything down.
So, news from the ex... as he will be now known as D**khead! or DH for short cause he doesn't deserve the full name cause he is that much of an a-hole...
DH sends me a message on Monday saying that he got my text, mind you I didn't text the loser, and I had no intention of texting him cause he was still on my shit list.
He says that he wanted to know what was up and see how I was doing! Said I'm good and couldn't complain, my typical " I don't want to talk to you, leave me alone message" He says that he wants to talk, when can I meet up with him. I answer that I have very busy week and it might be kind of tough to pull.. (mind you this is all over text, dh didn't have the balls to call me) I was not going to go all the way out to the Bronx anyway.. that's freaking far and add to that I wasn't the one that did anything wrong, he needed to apologize to me.
So anywho, I say that I can't make it out, then he says ok, how about meeting in the city since I'm already there, I contemplate this for a minute or two and say sure, ok... he says he'll speak to me about it later on during the week. Cool, if he's trying to make amends then fine, dinner sounds like a good look. That was Monday.
Tuesday after going to meet some of my sorority sisters at an event they were holding at my old Alma Mater I get a text from DH.
Me- "Nothing much, just leaving an event with some of my sorority sisters"
Him: " So dinner and then I can have you for dessert"
Me: "Yeah right you wish you could have me for dessert"
Him: "Seriously, when am I gonna get some? No jokes real talk!"
Me: "How about putting in some time first, get to know me.. I'm not 19 anymore. QT is first then we can discuss the latter"
Him: "Its been 8 years how much more do I need to know you?"
Me: "A whole lot more.. I'm not the same naive girl who you knew... I've grown a lot and you need to check that. I told you about that before. why can't you just chill out wait till its time.. and why are you coming at me like that... is that the impression I give off to you?"
Him: "Nah, its not that its just that I haven't had none and since you said you LOVE ME why not"
Me: "Yea, I love you.. NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU.. I love you as person, but right now I don't think I like you!!"
Him: "Word, so you gonna just keep that to yourself? You're selfish like that?"
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude! Nothing of that sort over here, I gets it in when I'm in a committed relationship.. I am usually the aggressor but we're not even there. We just started talking about being together and this is how he gets.. Yeah he's looking to get cut!
He then says : " I deserve that, I was there since the beginning! You owe it to me!!"
WTF... hold on homey.. I owe you what?? You deserve what???? Ok, the gloves come off and I go on my long spiel of curse words. I call him and being to go into my alter ego mode. NO this m'fer didn't think that I owed him some because he was there with me during my virginal years and that he has the right to get some!
Me : "you broke up with me because I didn't want to give you my virginity! REMEMBER ASSHOLE!"
I hang up.
This is where I officially spaz (via text cause homey still hasn't called me back I didn't expect him to, and you already know that I wasn't going to call him)
There is a fine line to how much I can take from a person and he knows that. I am known as having a cool exterior and being a nice person but push me or anyone beyond their breaking point and its like "World War 3." While many of you may find what he said to be honest and to the point because where most men would be telling me what I wanted to hear and in reality it would be something else he was being up front and direct, I found it to be disrespectful no matter how honest he was and it made me analyze my "feelings" for him.
DH and I have had a long history, we met in the spring of 2000, on our college campus. He was quiet and I was the loud mouth that new everyone. Him not getting any from me made him break up with me (He'll argue tooth and nail that, that wasn't the reason but I know better) He didn't speak to me nor did I speak to him after our break-up. We spent most of our 20's not speaking because of his decision to not be with me anymore cause I was a virgin, and at the time my insecurity and his rejection made me question myself and also had the desire to be with someone who was going to like me for me and not the connections that I can get him.
When we rekindled our friendship back in 2006 I thought that we had put that behind us and just continued with the friendship, nothing about us being together and what not. Whenever he needed something done, if I could do it I'd do it. I was there as his spiritual advisor, his confidant, his counselor, his motivator, his drinking buddy, his sports friend, his home girl, his ex, (we never slept together) all the good things that friends are for one another, but then I thought that I wanted to be with him because it would irk the heck out of me when he had his female groupies come along and just be "conniving females." Or when he'd meet a chick and she'd use him and he'd be heart broken. See, DH told me everything, he even told me that I was the only girl he's ever been able to tell the whole truth to and I felt that the transition from homey's to lovers would be simple
So I told him that I had feelings for him, but thinking now I don't think I have feelings for him. I think I missed the companionship and the attraction that we had, but I forget that we were real young and that we really didn't know one another that well. I was the popular one and he was the newbie at the school that I befriended and gave him all my connects.
To end this post, here is where we ended things off.. He told me that I made him sick, and I said that we didn't need to be with one another if that's how he felt. He said that he couldn't depend on me for anything and I said fine that's the way he sees it then Ok. He said he gets it on the regular and I said I'm good and I don't need anything, and since he gets it on the regular I'm not really not missing out on anything.
I'm done and through and we're just going to stop talking, our friendship will not be the same. I don't know if he and I will ever be friends again after this cause it wasn't beneficial to neither him nor I. Him because I wasn't giving up any to him, and me because I can't be with or around someone who disrespects me and who I make sick!