Chronicles of a big girl part deux!! (2)

I love when a plus sized woman can wear clothes and grab the attention of any man that comes in her path just because she exudes confidence and poise and respects herself. I respect and appreciate a woman who isn't held down because of this societies view of larger women. I applaud my fellow women of size who know how to dress and will wear clothes that FIT them!

Remember back in the days when the cute small girls used to get all the guys because they were cute and small, and all the heavier girls were passed up on because well, they were heavy?? Yeah I remember them too... I remember the nicknames and the mean things that children say. But when does it end? This society would rather I look like a stick than have meat on my bones.

Not to take anything away from my smaller girls, I love you all not matter the size but I love when a girl of larger proportions just knows how to wear her clothes, and then I shake my head when I see a woman who is plus sized wearing things she ought not to. I want to go oops upside her head and ask her if she hadn't been through enough ridicule and torment enough. Not to say that she's not comfortable with her skin, but jesus, please know how to be a lady.

Case and point, if you're at a store and you are clothes shopping and you wear an 18, please buy the 18, not the 14! It will not fit, and having the muffin top is NOT cute.

Lane Bryant, Ashley Stewart, The Avenue, Torrid, etc are there for women who are plus sized and the clothes are cute, don't go to Express if you know you wear a 18, trying to fit the 14, it will NOT work.. please accept your size and work it. It pains me to see women who would look fabulous in clothes that fit, in clothes that DON'T fit!

I give props to all my plus sized ladies, our clothes can be as cute as the clothes of smaller women, no longer are we subjected to wearing muumuu's or anything of the sort. I am happy when I see a large woman dress appropriately and has her stuff put together. Its just wonderful.

Please take a page from this woman: wear clothes that compliment your shape and size, and remember Just cause its made in your size doesn't mean that its for you. Respect yourself and people will respect you!

I love the skin I'm in..

He's just not that into me

He's just not that into you came out a couple of years ago and I didn't get a chance to read it, and the movie came out a couple of weeks ago and I didn't get the chance to see it, that is until today

I was at the office having a great day, just relaxing cause the boss and supervisor were at their training classes, so it gave me idle time to watch the movie. I sat there at my cubicle and watched and listened and heard and paid close attention to the movie, and I realized this about the relationships and dates that I've been and went on and I've come to realize that, "They weren't that into me" and that is OK!

Case and point, I remember briefly telling that I went on a date a couple of weeks ago. DJ (as we'll call him) is a very good friend of a very good friend of mine. I met him last year and thought he was a handsome man, he was poised and intelligent and attractive, all the things that you may like about a man. I didn't ask for his number then, but something made me tell my friend that I was interested. So, she gave him my number and I got his also.

I was going to wait on him to call but I said to myself, hey self its 2009 and women are liberated and are as equal as men as per my previous post, and I said why not call him. So I did. I called him and we spoke for about 4 hours, thought that it was a good sign. Thought that this meant potential. So, my friend told me about a cheap date, so I asked him, and he agreed and we went to this museum thing near "MOMA." I was excited, thought that I made an impression that this could be great, but before I started thinking of the names of our first 4 children, and thinking about the destination for our wedding and what our china patterns were going to look like I braced myself for our date. I thought that I'd just take it one step at a time and that the date would be great and my friend would be the reason... yeah I know I got way ahead of myself, but honestly I know that I am not the only one.. am I??

Anywho, we met up after work and we went to the museum, culture right? I thought this was a mild stepping stone, something easy to start off with. Then he took me to dinner, good way to add on to our museum outing. We ended up going to this cuban restaurant and the conversation was just flowing, it seemed to be a good look, or at least that was what I was reading into it. The night ended with us parting and him saying he'd call me later and blah blah blah.

That was 3 weeks ago. I first thought that "hey he's a busy guy, and he probably has too many things on his plate" (Mistake #1) Then I got up the courage and called him myself to see how he was (Mistake #2), and then he said he'd call me back and has yet to and I made an excuse like "he probably lost my number" (Mistake #3)

According to the book ( That I got from the library and instantly checked out) He's not into me. And that is ok! What I realize is that some women (including myself) make excuses for guys and their lack of interest in us. We shouldn't have to find reason for him not calling and reason for him not asking us out. If he's not interested then thats just it, "He's not interested," period end of story, good night and have a safe trip and no amount of excuses that you make for him will have him become interested in you. Thought it might be common knowledge or unsaid knowing what I realized from reading and watching the movie that if a guy is interested, it doesn't matter what he's doing or where's going or how "busy" he is, he is going to make time for you if "he's INTO you."

I read that if a man wants to be with me he going to go out of his way to find me, even if it means hunting down our mutual friends to get to me. If he's really into me, then there is no such thing as being too "busy" to pick up a phone and dial, that if he likes me, he's going to make sure that I know, cause a phone call is more personal than an email and he'll make it his business to get to speak to me, and I mean make it his BUSINESS, cause a man will go after you if he is interested!

So, to wrap this post up I've realized this DJ isn't into me, bar keep is not into me either...and that is fine. I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea, this I know and fully can deal with. And that "busy" line is bullshyt... a man will go after something he wants "ALWAYS"

So, I continue on with my life.

What I take from this book is this, and I hope you who read this post take this too : "There is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out. We're fantastic."

That I am! Ladies and gentleman THAT I AM!!


Its been a couple of weeks, work and other things have kept me away from my blogger, and I have so much to tell..

Oh btw, if any of you are on twitter I'm on there also.. just look for Msliryc and you'll find me..

Ok, but back to what this post is supposed to be about, my update : Bartender guy and I were supposed to meet and go on a date cause he said he wanted to hang out and get to know me better, not a bad thing. I mean why not, so we set something up for Sunday ( March 9th) that morning came and I had a makeup shoot to do ( I freelance) and I went and did that and when I was coming home he calls and tells me he is leaving his office to head out to meet me.

He asked if I was just coming in from church, I said no and explained to him that I was coming from a photo shoot and that I do freelance makeup. He laughed when I said that, I asked him why and he said he'd tell me when we met up for brunch.We were trying to find a place to have our brunch, he wanted to stay in Brooklyn, so we were looking into going to a couple of spots in Fort Greene, since I'm on my NO MEAT stance right now for lent I had suggested a vegetarian spot, but he said he really wanted some kind of meat. I then narrowed it down to this French restaurant named Olea's or an italian place called Scopello's (two great places to eat if you're in Brooklyn)

Anywho, day goes by he calls and asks to reschedule for later, he had to pick mom up from Penn Station, then calls back again about an hour and a half before we have to meet and says that he needs to reschedule cause train never came in and she's still on her way and blah blah blah...

I'm dressed and ready to go, and now I'm HOME!!! RIGHT... great hunh!!

So its been about 2 weeks since our supposed date and he has gone off to France for a business trip. He called and emailed and said " Bonjour mon cherie, j'ai pensee de toi" (good morning love, I was thinking about you) which I respond "c'est vrai?" (oh yeah, I was thinking bout you too) had to throw that in there.. boost his ego a bit and show that I can speak french too..

So here I am dateless.. UGH, I guess its back to the drawing board.

I got a date

So bartender guy and I have been talking since we met at my aunts party. He's is a really cool guy. I really can't complain. Though he has his dry moments its still like ok, let me get to know you better

So here's what I found out so far,

1. The place that we threw the party for my aunt is partly owned by him
2. He just recently turned 31
3. He is separated
4. He has a 3 year old son
5. He lives in New Jersey
6. He's an only child (uh oh)
7. He's church going

I don't have a problem with the whole separated thing, nor do I have a problem with him having a son, he was married so children do result in those types of union at times so that's understandable.. the problem is that he's an only child and he's Haitian.

Now if you don't know about Haitian mothers and their son's let me be the first to tell you that, those are the hardest relationships because most mothers will think No woman is good enough for her son. They will give the woman that their son is with HELL because she feels that, she's the only one that can take care of her son. So since I am no where near that bridge its cool.
Its just a heads up

We've been in conversation, and there were moments that I was really second guessing speaking to him cause he was kind of dry. His conversation skills were sub par and it was as entertaining as watching paint dry, but I thought I'd stick it out and give it a shot since I was the one that approached him.. Just cause its a little corny doesn't mean that its all a lost, maybe he's a face to face type of guy.

So last night when I came home from another date that I had ( I'll tell you about that later) I got a voicemail message from him, he was in NY and wanted to know if I was going to be around this weekend. I told him yeah and he asked me out to brunch tomorrow after church.

So yes everyone I got's me a date! (insert happy dance)

I'll let you know how it goes, and I'll also let you know about the other date that I had last night.

Things are beginning to look up for 2009!

Chronicles of a Big Gurl

I have never been skinny, wait let me rephrase that.. I have never been thin, slim or what have you.. and when I say never I mean NEVER!! I've always been chubby, or chunky, or thick.. whatever you want to call it. But by the American standards (from a size 0-6) I've never been skinny, thin, small or what have you..

Its taken me almost 28 years to get used to the idea
that I will never be a size 2 or a size 5 for that matter, and that know matter what I'm still beautiful.

But I remember those days when kids would make fun cause I was chunkier than they were and I remember when the boys wouldn't look in my direction cause I wasn't slim and tall like my other friends and that used to bother me, but as I have grown I have learned to love my curves and my excess of things that others don't have

Being from the Caribbean most of the men who I usually come in contact with will tell you that they prefer a woman with some meat on their bones, and that may well enough be true, but most of the ones that I have met liked them small, and that wasn't where I was.

This isn't what I really wanted to write about, I need go give an update on my conversation with the bartender guy but that will come later but this post is coming after a conversation I had with my cousin and some of his friends about the big girls with the pretty faces. Now I know many of you have heard people say this to other BBW (big beautiful women) I don't know how many times I've heard people say this but it got on my nerves, the whole, "she's got a pretty face for a big girl." HUNH?? Like what the heck does that mean? Am I supposed to be ugly because I'm not of a models size? What, do I automatically get deemed grotesque cause I have a few extra pounds.. I need some explanation about this because IDK what the heck that statement is supposed to mean?

It all started on Saturday, I was hanging with my young cousin in the hall way, just catching up, I haven't seen him in a while, we were talking and then his friends came and just started to chill with us, being that I am never around any young teen aged boys I took this opportunity to sit around and listen, and many of them aren't shy to talk about anything in front of me I got a front row seat into the mind of young high school aged boys. My cousin and his friends were talking about some of the girls that are in their school, the ones they thought were cute the ones they thought were ugly, those who had bad reps because she did this and she did that.. I really couldn't believe that this was the way boys broke down girls... it still amazes me that girls and women are broken down by guys this way, but continuing on, one of them mentioned the name of this girl lets call her "tiffany." He told his boys that him and "tiff" hang out all the time, and how she's really a cool chick, and he would be afraid to date her cause she's not his typical type, to which my cousin replies, "She's cute, got a nice face... for a big girl!"
Ok, he's 17 and doesn't know better, but there are men twice is age that will say the same dumb shit.. so why not correct it now, fist rip into him and his boys about the way they talk about girls, I tell them that, that isn't cool and how would they like it if a guy did that to their sisters or cousins or what have you, they in turn tell me, "hey if a girl wants to behave in a certain way is it our fault that we treat them that way?"... I say yes though I know they're right, then I turn to my little cousin and ask him about his quote about tiffany... I ask him, "what do you mean by that?" He says to me.. "well you know, she's not skinny or slim.. she's you know.... a big girl, not extremely fat but a thick girl.. and she's got a pretty face"

I screw my face up at his statement and he asks me why all the attitude. I tell him because I heard the same story when I was "tiffany's" age. I heard boys tell me that same insult (which is supposed to be a compliment) all the time... to which his boys reply "you're different, you're sexy... (insert eye roll here) I would've hollered if we were in High School" Yeah right, here they go talking about some chick who could have been me in H.S. but they don't really want to mess with her because she's not thin like many of the other girls.

Though I know the times have changed, and being rail thin isn't in anymore, big girls, and big women still have a hard time being accepted. Many young girls are still being teased for not being skinny like the other girls, many young women are starving themselves to be like those models they see in magazine's and add to that our clothes aren't as cute as the ones they have for the smaller women (but that's another blog)

What's with the perception that thin is the only way to go??? This society is so chopped and screwed its horrible, do people not understand that the average American woman is between a size 10 to a size 12. That in the modeling industry if you're over a size 6 (which is big to them) you're considered plus sized??? Freaking insane right!!

Oh how I long for the days when the models for all the famous painters used to be women with curves, the days when the portraits were of women of high society. And all women of stature and of nobility were deemed so because they had meat on their bones. Oh for the days when the sculpture of the fertility goddess is a plus sized woman with extra cushion for the pushin! I wish!! In a semi perfect world.. LOL LOL.. skinny women I love you..

Isn't it about being healthy and not necessarily skinny. I know plenty of skinny women who are unfit and unhealthy. My friend whose is a size 4 suffers from high cholesterol and high sodium, while me a size 16 has neither. I can walk up flights of stairs and not be out of breath while she is there panting her life away.. when did being skinny equal healthy??

I've come a long way since my H.S. days, I don't have issues as much as I used to with my body image, well only the belly fat that does not want to go away despite the hundreds of crunches and ab exercises that I do, I can honestly say that I love every single dimple on the side of my thigh, love for every stretch mark on my waist, every extra pound that I have, cause they fit me well.. I have learned to own my body. Its not perfect but its mine and it makes me ME.. and you know what I'll take that title.. "Pretty Face for a BIG GIRL"

But understand I am definitely going to change the ending of that statement.. "No I do not have a pretty face for a big, girl.. I have a pretty face PERIOD!! ""

So to all my women, we come in all different shapes and sizes and we have to learn to love ourselves. Love us first. Own your body.. its yours! Its not about being skinny or about being fat its about being healthy. Its about living the best life that you have. You should be able to walk up and down the stairs without panting and losing your breath, you should be able to wear what you want and feel good about yourselves.

Love yourself, cause if you don't love you... who will???

Officially cut off!!

disclaimer: these events happened before the "aggressive" post. Just didn't know how to word this post, and post it. But since I'm over it and him both in the same instance I decided to share why he and I will NEVER be together and probably never be friends again. Totally not worth my time!

Oh btw, I am so sorry for the long drawn out conversation, had to make sure that I got everything down.

So, news from the ex... as he will be now known as D**khead! or DH for short cause he doesn't deserve the full name cause he is that much of an a-hole...

DH sends me a message on Monday saying that he got my text, mind you I didn't text the loser, and I had no intention of texting him cause he was still on my shit list.

He says that he wanted to know what was up and see how I was doing! Said I'm good and couldn't complain, my typical " I don't want to talk to you, leave me alone message" He says that he wants to talk, when can I meet up with him. I answer that I have very busy week and it might be kind of tough to pull.. (mind you this is all over text, dh didn't have the balls to call me) I was not going to go all the way out to the Bronx anyway.. that's freaking far and add to that I wasn't the one that did anything wrong, he needed to apologize to me.

So anywho, I say that I can't make it out, then he says ok, how about meeting in the city since I'm already there, I contemplate this for a minute or two and say sure, ok... he says he'll speak to me about it later on during the week. Cool, if he's trying to make amends then fine, dinner sounds like a good look. That was Monday.

Tuesday after going to meet some of my sorority sisters at an event they were holding at my old Alma Mater I get a text from DH.

Him-"What up?"

Me- "Nothing much, just leaving an event with some of my sorority sisters"

Him: " So dinner and then I can have you for dessert"

Me: "Yeah right you wish you could have me for dessert"

Him: "Seriously, when am I gonna get some? No jokes real talk!"

Me: "How about putting in some time first, get to know me.. I'm not 19 anymore. QT is first then we can discuss the latter"

Him: "Its been 8 years how much more do I need to know you?"

Me: "A whole lot more.. I'm not the same naive girl who you knew... I've grown a lot and you need to check that. I told you about that before. why can't you just chill out wait till its time.. and why are you coming at me like that... is that the impression I give off to you?"

Him: "Nah, its not that its just that I haven't had none and since you said you LOVE ME why not"

Me: "Yea, I love you.. NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU.. I love you as person, but right now I don't think I like you!!"

Him: "Word, so you gonna just keep that to yourself? You're selfish like that?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude! Nothing of that sort over here, I gets it in when I'm in a committed relationship.. I am usually the aggressor but we're not even there. We just started talking about being together and this is how he gets.. Yeah he's looking to get cut!

He then says : " I deserve that, I was there since the beginning! You owe it to me!!"

WTF... hold on homey.. I owe you what?? You deserve what???? Ok, the gloves come off and I go on my long spiel of curse words. I call him and being to go into my alter ego mode. NO this m'fer didn't think that I owed him some because he was there with me during my virginal years and that he has the right to get some!

Me : "you broke up with me because I didn't want to give you my virginity! REMEMBER ASSHOLE!"

I hang up.

This is where I officially spaz (via text cause homey still hasn't called me back I didn't expect him to, and you already know that I wasn't going to call him)

There is a fine line to how much I can take from a person and he knows that. I am known as having a cool exterior and being a nice person but push me or anyone beyond their breaking point and its like "World War 3." While many of you may find what he said to be honest and to the point because where most men would be telling me what I wanted to hear and in reality it would be something else he was being up front and direct, I found it to be disrespectful no matter how honest he was and it made me analyze my "feelings" for him.

DH and I have had a long history, we met in the spring of 2000, on our college campus. He was quiet and I was the loud mouth that new everyone. Him not getting any from me made him break up with me (He'll argue tooth and nail that, that wasn't the reason but I know better) He didn't speak to me nor did I speak to him after our break-up. We spent most of our 20's not speaking because of his decision to not be with me anymore cause I was a virgin, and at the time my insecurity and his rejection made me question myself and also had the desire to be with someone who was going to like me for me and not the connections that I can get him.

When we rekindled our friendship back in 2006 I thought that we had put that behind us and just continued with the friendship, nothing about us being together and what not. Whenever he needed something done, if I could do it I'd do it. I was there as his spiritual advisor, his confidant, his counselor, his motivator, his drinking buddy, his sports friend, his home girl, his ex, (we never slept together) all the good things that friends are for one another, but then I thought that I wanted to be with him because it would irk the heck out of me when he had his female groupies come along and just be "conniving females." Or when he'd meet a chick and she'd use him and he'd be heart broken. See, DH told me everything, he even told me that I was the only girl he's ever been able to tell the whole truth to and I felt that the transition from homey's to lovers would be simple


So I told him that I had feelings for him, but thinking now I don't think I have feelings for him. I think I missed the companionship and the attraction that we had, but I forget that we were real young and that we really didn't know one another that well. I was the popular one and he was the newbie at the school that I befriended and gave him all my connects.

To end this post, here is where we ended things off.. He told me that I made him sick, and I said that we didn't need to be with one another if that's how he felt. He said that he couldn't depend on me for anything and I said fine that's the way he sees it then Ok. He said he gets it on the regular and I said I'm good and I don't need anything, and since he gets it on the regular I'm not really not missing out on anything.

I'm done and through and we're just going to stop talking, our friendship will not be the same. I don't know if he and I will ever be friends again after this cause it wasn't beneficial to neither him nor I. Him because I wasn't giving up any to him, and me because I can't be with or around someone who disrespects me and who I make sick!