As black history month looms in the background of the most monumental inauguration in history I had to give a quick shout to all my strong, regal, and sophisticated black women. Here is to you.. You all inspire me in so many ways. I take me hat off to you, because you have taught me so many things, that I take with me every single day.
I just wanted to post this. I got this email from a friend a while ago.. Not too sure if I had posted it or not. but it speaks the truth in so many ways.
Yes we can ladies. That is the new motto for the next 4 -8 years.. as a matter of fact its the new motto for the rest of our LIVES.. YES WE CAN!!


A YOUNG BLACK WOMAN'S GUIDE TO SURVIVAL



10. BE SELECTIVE IN FRIENDSHIPS.
Friendship is not charity, it's a give-and-take relationship. Your friends should be people you love, admire and respect. Don't be afraid to expand, or change your circle of friends. As you get older, you may head in a different direction than those you once considered your "best friends forever". As you evolve and mature, you may grow apart from friends who no longer fulfill you - it's ok! Hold this person in your heart, but be true to yourself when devoting time, energy and emotion to anyone you seriously consider a "friend".

9. RE-INVENT YOURSELF WHEN NECESSARY.
Self-reinvention is a way to constantly reflect and assess your goals and priorities in your personal, academic and professional life. The concept of self-reinvention allows you to reconsider your lifestyle and, at any given moment, change a particular course of action. The beauty of this process is that you don't have to beat yourself up about behavior you consider undesirable. You should actually feel great that you have enough sense to realize the error of your ways (whatever they may be), and can spontaneously commit to change. Congratulations - you just solved a problem!

8. PROTECT YOURSELF.
HIV/AIDS is the #1 killer of black women ages 19-27 in America. You are not corny or lame if you insist on an HIV test before having sex with someone. In fact, you're stupid to give up responsibility for your health and put your life in someone else's hands. Please DO NOT FALL FOR the age-old trick: "Look at me - what am I supposed to do now?!" All men masturbate. Politely tell your partner that he should focus on "self- love" until you're certain that he deserves to enter your temple.

7. JEALOUSY IS A WASTED EMOTION.
People who love themselves and recognize their worth are unable to be jealous of others. Why? You should be so preoccupied with loving yourself and changing what you don't like, you have no time to worry about what others are doing. Being jealous of someone is a waste of energy. You cannot control other people and the choices they make, or the luck they have. Weak people let other's circumstances affect their self-love and/or self-worth. Resist the temptation to be envious, as it will get you nowhere. If anything, let other people motivate you to achieve certain goals for yourself.

6. CARRY YOURSELF LIKE A LADY.
Embrace that which makes you a woman, and by all means, take advantage of the privileges that we have. Force men around you to treat you with the respect they would their mother, aunt or sister. Insist that your doors be opened for you, order your food first in a restaurant, and sit in the front seat if you are the only female in the car. There is nothing wrong with being "pleasantly demanding". Along with the privilege of womanhood comes a certain responsibility. Being a true "lady" means you exhibit manners that would make your grandmother proud, your clothes are tasteful and appropriate for your age, and your hair and nails are always clean. These little things make a big difference in how you are viewed by outsiders, and the quality of men that you attract.

5. KEEP UP WITH CURRENT EVENTS.
Staying in touch with what's going on in the world is very important. Not only is it important to be aware of national and global issues, it makes you a lot more interesting to others because you always have something to talk about. It doesn't take much to watch the news, read the newspaper online, or buy an issue of TIME magazine or Newsweek. Don't forget - parents and teachers are a great source of information on current events, and would love to have a conversation with you about something "serious".

4. Travel.
Do you have a passport? If not, get one. Before you are saddled with the responsibilities of a job and a family, take advantage of your freedom and travel. Instead of buying a new outfit, buy a plane ticket. See other parts of the world and observe other cultures. More importantly, have fun! Plan a trip with a friend to a social event in another city, a beach on an island, or a city in a foreign country. Capture your memories with photos or in a diary (or a blog). You will cherish them forever.

3. Be Proud To Be Black.
Black culture and heritage is based on strength, perseverance, and rich talents. You should have an overwhelming sense of cultural pride - as black people, we are so very special. Don't EVER feel as if you aren't equal to another person simply because you're black. If you have any question as to the importance of black people to our society, or how smart, beautiful, talented, funny and fascinating we are, start reading. Watch old movies. Read plays. Go see plays. Buy tickets for dance and musical performances. Seek opportunities to study academic topics involving, or related to, black people. Talk to your relatives that lived through some of the historical events you've heard about. Get on the Internet and study people with whom you're familiar. Keep in mind, black pride doesn't mean exclusion of others. It is most impressive when you seek to educate other cultures about the beauty and greatness of being black.

2. Have a Cause.
As long as you're here, it is your duty as a human being to help make the world a better place. Let your natural talents and passion lead you to an issue that keeps your attention, and to which you can commit your time and money. Get involved with groups that already exist. If your particular cause is new or unique, start your own group and make your friends join. Helping others is an easy way to feel good about yourself, and invest in the future of your community.

1. Love Yourself.
This is #1 and most important, yet challenging, mission to accomplish. Self-love is critical to survival at any age, and may be quite a personal journey. Loving yourself means recognizing, developing and honoring a sense of self-worth. Loving yourself means you have zero tolerance for anyone or anything that doesn't love you and respect you. Loving yourself also means you must treat yourself well, simply because no one else will do it for you.

FAMILY MATTERS

Ever have an embarrassing moment in front of people that you hardly know and feel all insecure? Ever have that memory replay in your mind constantly till the point where you cry about it?

I have such a memory and its hard not to relive it. 

How about the cause of embarrassment isn't any of your doing but its from someone you know and someone you care about? What if this person just told a room full of people some private and personal things about you that you didn't want shared? What do you do? How about if the person who opened their mouth is family?

The incident happened months prior and you've tried to let it go but now you don't want to hang with these people because you have a fear that they will open their mouth again and spread your business... 

What do you do? 

I am one who steers clear of conflict and I try not to be part of something that I feel will not come out nicely. Given the fact that I know my family members and their constant judgement of what I do I try to stay away as much as I can and when I do I get the whole.. "she thinks she's too good to hang with us"  to which I say nothing I just brush it off and move forward.

Its 2009 and I am nearing my 30's and I have so many things that I want to get done and so many places that I want to go... and I am tired of the judgement and the ridicule and of course the embarrassment so I am going to keep to myself thanks.


I reminisce

Well well well, I have blogged 2 days back to back... See I'm trying to make good on my promise to be more diligent to my blog this year.. I promised!!

So,I was sitting at work on AIM (not what I get paid to do, but I needed a mental break and I took it) talking to my cousin and we were reliving some of the good times we had in 2008. There werern't that many, because we really didn't do much but for the ones we had (which took place on AIM most of the time it was time to reminisce) A bonafide loser I tend to save the emails the AIM conversations that my cousin and I have so that I can reread them or cause she asked me to and today was one of those days. She asked about a conversation that she and I had with another friend of ours, and in the conversation was mention of Ivory. Though I try to forget him as much as possible he was part of 2008 and some of the times were good times so why not bring him up right! NO WRONG!!!!!

She then asks if I have heard from my ex-boyfriend Vinny aka Ivory who I met him almost a year ago this month. I instantly change the subject cause I don't want to talk about him, though I've been thinking about him a lot recently. I would never tell her that I missed him cause then she'd go on this long drawn out speel about me and him and what not and whose it so I just avoid the questions and the comments and I bring up something else. But I must admit I have been thinking about him a lot lately, I don't miss him per say.. I just miss the time that we shared during our short lived relationship. For clarification I miss the companionship that he provided, I miss the feeling of having a guy around just to kick it with. It was cool, until he started to get all psycho bitch on me. Ivory and I broke up because of his untrustworthy ways. I do not like men who feel that they need to go through my phone or my room or even my friends to feel secure about themselves (which is what Ivory did)but that's another story.

Ivory and I hung out every single day. I met him through my friends aunt. She worked with him and said that he was such a nice guy and couldn't find a nice girl to hang around with. She told me he was italian and that he was really cool and handsome and what not. I don't have a problem dating outside my race so I said eh hook it up. It had been a long while since I was in the company of a guy or rather a guy that I found to be potential boyfriend material that I decided why not.

When we first met it was like instant friendship that quickly and I do mean QUICKLY turned into a relationship. He picked me up from work and took me home. We hung out on the weekends, went to movies, watched football games over the phone with one another. He'd call me during the day to see how I was doing, he sent gifts when I started to stress about school and exams and such. I was taken aback at how attentive he was. I was like this can't be true, and if it is PLEASE GOD don't let him turn out to be gay. I mean he was really cool and I liked it a lot. I can honestly say that the beginning of our relationship was awesome. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

It didn't take him long to want to bring me to see his family. His nephew was turning 1 year old and he wanted to introduce me. I met his family cause he wanted them to know who he was dating. It seems that he was gushing to them about me and they wanted to know who this girl was. They were cool, very down to earth Italian family, not as old school as I thought but still some really cool peeps. They were used to him dating black girls so it wasn't a shock when I walked through the door. He also met my family as well, and my mom and aunt were very clear cut with him. But he remained cool under pressure and was good with them.

But then things started to change, he got to be too clingy. The insecurities really kicked in when I mentioned some of the things that I did on the side. Nothing outlandish and stuff, just some social gatherings with friends, and sometimes the girls, but he just couldn't handl e it. My cousins said that it was my fault cause we were hanging out everyday and talking everyday was what made him that way but I have to say that it was more than that.. He started calling me at work a million times. It had gotten to the point where I had to change my phone plan because he called me so much. He then had a problem with me hanging with my cousins (and lord knows that I don't mess or play when it comes to my family.) And that pissed me off... My cousins are who I run to for everything. Since I am an only child I have them as my siblings for anything that I may want or need.

I was getting sick and tired of the 20 questions about me hanging out with family members and meeting guys and hanging out with guys and if I can bring my boyfriend to my social gatherings and if I could not talk to my male friends, shit that was just normal to me became an obvious and blatent problem for him. Ivory wanted to be around me at all times possible. He wanted to know everyone that I knew, he wanted to know why I knew this guy and why did this guy say Hi to me.

I tried to break up with him a couple times and I never could, cause it would break my heart. I felt sorry for him and at times I pitied him cause he didn't have anyone. His friends were all gone. He didn't have anyone to hang with. It came to the point where I was the only one he knew and he had me has his one and only friend and I felt sorry for the poor guy. I started to confuse love and pity and tell him that I loved him and stayed cause I didn't want to be a selfish bitch and leave cause I was angry for stupid things.

But then shit hit the fan where he questioned me about a co-worker who sent me a message on my phone. Mind you my phone was locked or so I thought and he studied my hand movements and unlocked my phone and aked me about him.

NO NO NO.. homey this is where I call it quits. (well after 4 attempts of leaving I finally did)

I don't like insecure men. I don't like a guy who feels the need or urge to go through my cell phone. I don't like a man who wants to pull me away from my family because he feels that my cousins may influence me to talk to another guy (as if I'm not capable of thinking for myself). I don't like a dude whose overly jealous over stupidity, I don't like a man who I have to always tell that I will not go out and cheat on him.

I don't like a guy who needs to make friends with my friends to feel like he knows something or has an inside look at what I am doing when he's not around.. HOMEY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO STEP

So after about 5 or maybe 6 months of torment and aggravation I left. I had enough and I told him that this wasn't going to work. He begged and pleaded and said he'd change but I heard those words before. And to be quite honest I didn't believe that shit for one hot haitian minute. His parents were cool about it cause they know their son. They said that with my personality and his need to have someone around at all times they knew it wasn't going to go far, but they were happy to have had me around. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had had enough of this crazy assed relationship and I needed out, and out I went.

Last night while cleaning up my hard drive, I found some pictures of him and I deleted all of them. Ivory haunted me for weeks after we broke up, calling me at odd hours of the night from private numbers that I never picked up. He called my friends, and that just made shit worse. he even called my house at like 3am and mind you I don't do those early morning calls.. They piss me off, I picked up and cursed him out hoping that he'd get the point, and as the months passed he finally gave up.

So though it would've been a year of a relationship with him I am glad to have gotten rid of him and moved on to being by myself. I don't mind being single most of the time. I just miss the guy being there for all the guy things that they do, I do miss the companionship, but I do not miss the aggravation. I think 09 will bring on another "guy friend."

Good riddance to bad rubbish

2009


I have been neglecting my blog site for sometime now. I know that I come by sparatically and say things but I haven't been as diligent as I should be about my blog site, nor have I been as curtious as I should be to my blog friends. With that I want to say Happy New Year. This year I plan on making some great changes, and one of which is to be more proactive about my blogging and also about my life period.

I will make more of an effort to do things, and not to be afraid to take chances.

I know many of us make new years resolutions and by the next month they've been forgotten but I do plan on sticking to mine.

So far so good.. yes its only been 4 days and things are destined to change, but by this time last year I was heading towards a relationship that wasn't great. Good riddance to IVORY. I tried to talk to people who I know weren't available to me.. (stupid me, but I have learned better)

But all in all 2008 wasn't that bad, but I know that 2009 is going to be spectacular cause I am going to make it that way.

So to all my blog friends (hopefully I still have some) Happy New Year. I hope for the best for each and every one of you. I pray that you're blessed beyond measure and that you're dreams and hopes become reality.

Until next post

LIRYC