I had started writing this blog a couple of days ago, and I didn't finish. I decided to re-write it after a couple of days of thought, and also it gave me time to calm down, things just seemed to get worse and worse as the days went by. As a friend of mine continually tells me, when it rains it pours.. I had to take a time out, if I had posted what I had originally was going to write I would come off sounding like the angry black woman, and lord knows that I didn't want to be portrayed as such. So here goes my blog and thought process after days of mellowing out and prayer. I'm fabulous and those who can't see it need to rush and get themselves glasses, cause I'm the bomb like TICK TICK!! (thank you lil' wayne for that line)
First off let me start off with Friday, remember that date that I had on the 27th of June. Well my blogger family, let me tell you. NOTHING happened, there was NO date. I was stood up! Yes, I was stood up! Can you believe that. Its 2008 who does that? I mean seriously!
I had gotten home after a long day at work. I was looking forward to hanging out with my "friend" because this date would be the tell all tale of what we were going to be. I wanted him to know that I was interested but I didn't want to come off desperate. So, when I got home I did the routine maintenance that women usually take when they prepare for a date. I groomed my legs and underarms because I was planning on wearing a sleeveless top and how embarrassing would it be to go out and have hairy pits. Say it with me people YUCK! So I got to shaving and cleaning and showering. Used Shea butter because I didn't want that ash effect later on that evening. I tend to get ashy as the night went on and Shea butter tends to keep the ash at bay.
My girlfriend calls me asking if I had begun to prep myself. Now, as the typical Libra, I am a born procrastinator. I always wait till the last minute to do things, but tonight I decided to be ahead of the game. I had gotten out my outfit and laid it on my bed because I didn't want to keep him waiting. How rude would that be. I chose a favorite pair of brown pumps that I don't wear (I wore them once and they are so beautiful that I wear them sparingly) Since, he's a tall individual I wanted some height, so the pumps were a good look. I decided to wear shorts black (yes I have thick thighs, but I don't care. My legs look nice in some shorts and pumps) and a brown neck tied shirt. My black and brown clutch to finish off the look. I was ready to go! All set, now just had to wait on him. I didn't have to do my hair because it was in braids. So I just pulled back some and pinned it in this cute style that I tend to do. My makeup was light but right. Smelled good, I dabbed on some of my favorite perfume (Lolita Lempicka) behind my ears and my wrist and my neck.
The time was 9, and the movie was suppose to start at 10:30. It gave him ample time to get to me and for us to drive to the city (Manhattan, for all you non-New Yorkers). I didn't want to seem over anxious so I didn't call and ask what time he was going to come (in hindsight maybe I should've) I just sat in my living room, waiting. 9 turned to 10 that turned to 11 that turned to 1. Pissed off was an understatement for what I was. I think that if he had eventually came I would've picked him up and flung him somewhere but he never did, nor did he call. I called him and surprise, surprise, it went to voicemail!
Me: Hey, whats up? Um, I just called to ask if you forgot about our meeting tonight. Its 1:20 am and I just wanted to know. ( stopped there and deleted the message, I sounded so desperate, and needy.. Oh no he was not going to get that from me! Definitely not)
I got undressed and went to bed. (Lord, give me strength not to call him in the morning and cuss his ass STINK.. I am such a West Indian!!!)
The next day I waited on him to call me. I waited and waited. NOTHING! I wasn't going to call him. I wasn't going to..I refused to, I was the one that was stood up, he had to call me and give me an explanation as to why I was home and not out watching a movie on Friday night! I am going to hold it down and NOT CALL HIM! I filled my day with errands and other odds and ends that I needed to do.
Sunday came and STILL NOTHING! In my mind I was like WTF??? Did he seriously forget about me? Or is he hurt somewhere? I'd feel like shit if he was hurt and I was here making a scene about being stood up when he was in the hospital or something worse! So I broke down and called him. The phone call went to voicemail
Me: Hey you! (trying not to sound both annoyed and pissed off) What's up? I haven't heard from you in a couple of days, just making sure that you're OK. Give me a call, when you can.
Sunday came and went and nothing. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, ( I started to really get nervous. I hadn't heard from him at all) Friday comes, I get a text from his sister.
Friend Sister: Hey, what time is your bbq?
Me: Its starting at 7, but knowing how haitians are you know we don't get it started till about 9.
Friend Sister: Ok, just wanted to know.
Me: Um, how's your brother? I haven't heard from him. Is he OK.
Friend Sister: Yeah, he's fine. Just going through somethings right now, he's keeping to himself
Me: Oh, OK. Just making sure he wasn't hurt some where. Oh, is he coming with you?
Friend Sister: No, he had something to do with a friend of his. But he may come and pick me up
Me: Ok, I'll see you later
Friend Sister: Yeah, def.
OH HELL NO! This idiot was fine. He was alive.... HELL NO! He couldn't be alive. Its been about a week since I've heard from and he had the nerve to be Ok, and not in a ditch somewhere... I don't think so. She must be mistaken, he must be in the hospital.
I know I sound insane and really mad, and truth is I was. I was LIVID!
Disclaimer: Angry Black Woman rant about to happen, please do not hold it against me!
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. THIS IDIOT KNEW I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HIM AND HE DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT HE COULDN'T MAKE IT, AND NOW ITS 8 DAYS LATER AND STILL NO PHONE CALL! WHAT THE HELL DOES, OR RATHER WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS. HE WASN'T ALL THAT FLY ANYWAY! DOES HE NOT KNOW WHO HE STOOD UP! HE WAS OK, AND JUST GOING THROUGH SOME THINGS, WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE WAS HE! I AM TOO THROUGH! NO MORE, I WOULD RATHER REMAIN HIS FRIEND IF HE WAS GOING TO TREAT ME THIS WAY! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OK, I feel better
So, the weekend comes and I am running around, handling things because my mom, had gone to Haiti on vacation and I wanted to have her things in and prepped before she came back. She called me and asked if everything was Ok. Naturally she asks for him, because my mom is a nosey Haitian and wants to know everything. I tell her that I'll speak to her when she gets home. She says, to me in her very thick Haitian accent "Tell me, he don't call you?" I say to her "MOM, I'll speak to you when I pick you up from the airport!" We hang up and I get angry again because I still haven't heard from him.
Monday, I get back to work. Regular Monday, work, work and more work. At about 3 in the afternoon I go downstairs to the shipping office to shoot the shit with my friends. It helps the day go by quicker. At about 3:30 I head back upstairs and notice that I have a missed call. I look at the phone thinking it was my cousin confirming our meeting for after work. But, it wasn't her. It was HIM! He called me from work, and left a voicemail
I check my voicemail and he says "Hey, its me. Give me a call when you get this."
I call his job back and ask his co-worker to speak to him. When he picks up the phone he has this almost nonchalant attitude. This makes me mad instantly. I have never been this angry with one person. Ok, I'm lying. Ivory made me mad especially after our breakup but that's another story in itself. But, this guy who I thought I was interested just got my blood pressure to go up in 3 seconds (OMG, I am becoming my mother, with her blood pressure stories)
ME: Hey what's up? I got your message
HIM: Hey, nothing much. I have to talk to you.
ME: Yeah, what's is going on?
HIM: Its, just somethings that have been going on.
ME: Alright, are things Ok? Anything bad happened?
HIM: Um, actually I can't talk cause I'm at work but tonight I'll definitely call and we'll speak. I need to tell you somethings.
We hang up. I go back to my desk and wonder and ponder on what he may have to tell me later on that night. I am curious? Is he going to tell me that he has someone and just couldn't tell me (I've been here before so nothing is impossible) I go through the rest of the day with the thought of what he going to tell me looming in the back of my mind. I decide to go and visit my friend Dre. He knows how to make my day better, though he sometimes gets under my skin with his corny, and I do mean CORNY jokes, I go to him for comic relief and some male perspective on this situation.
Dre tells me that homeboy must've had someone on the side and just didn't want to tell me. He claims that homeboy might've wanted to tell me but couldn't because he had a fear of losing me as a friend and a potential interest. I think its a crock of shit, but I tell Dre that I see his point and just continue to listen while him and his friend have idle banter about life and women! They sometimes forget that I am a woman, and I have to remind them that there is estrogen in the room, and to not fully generalize all women (but that's another blog story)
Time passes and guess what NO phone calls. Not one. Where was the explanation? What happened to I got to tell you what happened? See, just like I told Dre, LOAD OF SHIT!!!
I have come to the conclusion that I am way too good for this. I know most of you are probably going to scratch you head and go DUH.. but its my revelation to myself that I am way too good for this dude. What the heck was I thinking, when I wondered if he and I could go from being just friends to "interested lovers?"
Seriously, what was on my biscuit? As the days rolled by I found myself wondering and pondering less and less about him. Even when he called (which was sparingly, in comparison to when I first met him) I find myself just talking with him, and having no feelings. Its like he's just another guy that I know that I can talk to. Its only been about a week and half since the whole "stood up fiasco" but I'm Ok. I can deal.
This is the summer, just the beginning of it too. There will be other prospects and nothing is impossible. I am not going to limit myself to one individual, and an unworthy individual at that. I am no longer upset, nor annoyed. I'm too through, WHATEVER TREVOR!