Haitian Pride


I'm one cool Haitian chick! I remember the days when saying that I was Haitian was taboo! I remember the fights and the swears that were sent to every Haitian child that had the balls to say that they were Haitian. Many days some of my good friends were chased home because they were Haitian. They couldn't escape the whole ridicule. Me on the other hand, well thats another story! Let me tell you where this came from....

My mom went to Haiti at the end of June. When she returned a week ago she told me how she couldn't believe what she saw. She says that the country that she grew up in was not even recognizable to her. It was dirty and ugly, unlike the beauty that was before it turned into a ghost of its former self

I came to this country when I was 4 and a half. Being Haitian was the worst thing on the planet (trust me NYers were tough on Haitians). I remember that kids were being called every single name in the book. "Haitian Booty Scratcher," they would say that I had HBO "Haitian Body Oder" they said how my people brought AIDS to the country. The mid-80's was not a good time for Haitians and so to avoid ridicule and torment I told everyone that I was Jamaican (yes I went there and said the most common and acceptable thing at the time.) With a name like mine I don't know how many people believed me, but some did.

When asked what part of Jamaica I was from I'd promptly tell them Kingston. Since, most of these kids were American born they wouldn't question me, until one day when my overly accented mother decided to pick me up from school and belt out in her loudest Haitian voice "Nelly, comen to me rat now" Yes, it sounded just like that! And then she added with force when she saw that I was not paying her any mind "Nelly, vin j'wen mwen kounye'a," which translates to Nelly, come here right now or I'll make you come here.

Man did those (true haitian) kids rip me a new one. Those who were Haitian looked at me with disgust because while they were getting beat with rocks and getting food thrown at them for being Haitian, here I am denying that I'm Haitian but in actuality I am one of them. Those who weren't Haitian but knew about creole looked at me with a puzzled look. One of my friends said, " Is that lady talking to you? Is that you're mom?" So I said, "Yeah she's calling me, No.. she's my babysitter. She came to pick me up!"

I know, I know.. how could I! But, imagine how many wedgies I saved myself from getting by perpetrating as a Jamaican. Being Jamaican was cool by the time I came here. Shabba Ranks was on the TV, and everyone knew at least 1 Jamaican artist. I couldn't be a Haitian I just couldn't. So what I said was that my father was from Canada and my mom was Jamaican and since I lived with her I considered myself Jamaican and since my dad was absentee I didn't claim my Canadian heritage. (I have to say it sounded good when I said it back in 1989)

As the years went by most of my friends who came to my house found out that I had lied. Most of them got really mad at me because I didn't acknowledge my country. Many of them called me some nasty names, and while I know I deserved it I wasn't planning on owning up to it because if I did it would come out that I was Haitian and the name calling would begin. I was sensitive. I didn't like ridicule. I would cry when the other kids where teased, so I tried to help out whenever I saw another Haitian kid being picked on. It doesn't make the situation or lessen what I did but I tried!

By the early 90's (junior high)I was enrolled in catholic school. In my old school EVERYONE was Haitian. All of the kids that I had as friends were from Haitian parentage, so saying I was Haitian wasn't a problem. We would speak in our Haitian patois to one another and no one would make fun of us. I met up with some kids that had gone to my elementary school. Many of them were surprised to see me owning up to my Haitian culture. By the time I graduated junior high I was a full fledged "Haitian."

I started High school in the fall of 1995 and by then I loved being Haitian. It made me unique. I loved what my country stood for. When I first arrived at John Dewey I found that there was a large population of Haitian kids. As a matter of fact the 2nd floor was the Haitian floor. Most if not ALL of he Haitian kids used to have their lockers on the 2nd floor. I learned more about my culture from these kids. Many of them came (to America) later than I did and so they had stronger accents. They taught me words that I later got slapped for (thats what I got for asking questions about words that the other Haitian kids taught me) By 1996, The Fugee's came out and guess what the 2 males in the group were HAITIAN!!! YES!! FINALLY RECOGNITION!!!!

Labor Day 1996, Haiti represented HARD!! Everyone who knows about the Labor Day parade on Eastern Parkway knows that its usually the Trinidadians and the Jamaican's who hold it down. They are the ones with the biggest floats and the most craziest people. But once the Fugee's came out, ALL the Haitians came out of the woodwork (especially me) and we represented HARD!!

As I learned more and more about my county I grew to appreciate my culture more. I learned that we (yes we!! I AM CLAIMING IT, I SAID IT!! LOL) were the first to gain our independence. A slave country with no real form of leadership beat out on of the biggest empires during that time to gain its own rights. Talk about reality Check! I found out that my country though poor held so many great riches. Authors Edgar Allan Poe, and Zora Neale Hurston had traveled to Haiti. Other than Wyclef, Jean-Michel Basquiat was another prominent Haitian figure. Garcelle Beauvais, Lela Rochon.

I did my research, and with what I have learned I have found that I am proud, yes very proud to be HAITIAN. Though many don't understand us, its OK. We are glad to be who we are. I love Haitian Music. I enjoy listening to my mother talk in creole, and I enjoy telling jokes in creole.

So everyone who used to make fun of us I love each of you. For those that stood up for us during those times of beatings and swirly's thank you..

SAK PASE my people!! (Haitian Translation = WHATS UP!)

Rant!


I just had to rant! I was talking to dude "my friend" and after I had to use the ladies Asap! ( I know TMI) I have a tendency of putting my phone in my back pocket. I guess its a bad habit that will definitely die now. Well anyway, here I am about to pee-pee myself when my cell falls out of my back pocket and falls into the toilet!


AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!


This shit pisses me off. I cannot live without a cell phone (yes I'm addicted but I don't want a cure, its my crack and I love it!)


See this is what I get for talking to home boy on the phone. This is what I get for listening to him talk shit. My phone falls in to the toilet! Are you kidding me!!!! (Yes, I do reach in and get it, though its at work)


Damn it, and my insurance doesn't cover water damage!


FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!


And I didn't back up the information onto my computer!!! Shit!! This just keeps getting better and better!!


Ok, first get some alcohol and wash your hands first. Forget using the bathroom get out now! Take battery out and shake the phone. Try to see if you can get the water out. It wasn't in there for too long. Only about 2 seconds, but that's enough water damage.


Why didn't I sync my phone? WHY??? Seriously!! This is all my fault!!


DAMN!!!!!!!!


Ok, I know its a cell phone and its a possession that I was without 10 years ago, but I am with it now and I can't live without a cell phone.. (what did people do before then??)


FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!


Ok, gotta call my carrier and ask them for a new phone. Will tell them that I lost it and they'll send me another phone. I need it asap!


See, this is exactly what I get for listening to him talk shit! Good for you! You deserve it.. you should've hung up like you said you were. No, your stupid behind actually sat there and had a conversation with Ol' Boy!!!


UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom, Haters, and other Randomness


Its the middle of the week, normally I don't have drama or stupidity running around, but today must've been bullshit Wednesday because everyone was in rare form.

While driving into work this morning, my mom and I have this disagreement about my attitude. she claims that as of late I've gotten to be so snappy with her. I don't think that I've gotten snappy, I just think that she shouldn't always be up under me to do things that I have already done. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. She is the apple of my eye. The rock on which I have built my own foundation, but she can be the most annoying person on the face of this planet. I know some of you are probably saying, "how can you say that about your own mother?" While, there many others feel my pain because their mothers are similar to mine. So you can feel my pain. But, if you've lived with her you'd see what I meant. My mom is a caring person but she just doesn't know when to quit.

I have this priest that knows my family really well, you can say that we're practically family and she heard from my aunt that he needed to speak to me. Now, on several occasions she reminded me to call him, I can understand the first 10 times she said it, because honestly I forgot so I appreciated the reminder, but then she decided to repeat it like 30 million times in 10 minutes and that got on my nerves and I snapped at her. I actually told her to go away and leave me alone. I usually tune her out but I was already having a bad day (forgot my metro card and cell phone at home) and she just got on my last nerve so I snapped at her.

She goes and tells my cousin that I disrespected her. Though it seems minor I just hate when she does things like that. Its like she expects my cousin to reprimand me because I snapped at her. Mind you my cousin is younger than I am by 4 years, but my mother has a tendency of telling everyone my business, and that is what makes me more upset. She feels as if she should just tell her whole family what happens b/w her and I and then I have my nosey and just as annoying aunts and uncles tell me that I need to be more respectful of my mother, and that she's going to have a heart attack and its going to be because of me. Let me tell you these family members are the most two faced people at times, because they are quick to tell me how overly protective my mom is. Now, seriously how old does she think that I am? You know at almost 27 I really don't want to live at home anymore, but I do want to continue to save for my home and this is the best way I know how. My mother is a pain in my behind, and I am going to have to deal with it until the time is right. Lord God give me the strength!

That same day I decided to wear a dress to work. I have never been a big fan of dresses (predominantly because I went to catholic school and those 8 years of dress uniforms made me sick and tired of skirts and dresses totally) but lately I've been wearing them, the dress was cute if I do say so myself and I loved the way that I looked in the dress. That morning on my daily morning breakfast break, my co-worker friends FP, and K were with me we decided to go into McDonald's to grab some eats since it was only a block up from the job. As K and I were talking and laughing I noticed something out the corner of my eye, at first I brushed it off, but then I noticed that as soon as K and I walked in these two young women staring at me. As a confident woman, I pay them no mind because I know I look good, and I don't care what they have to say, but its like "what the heck are you looking at?" I am not a person who likes to confront people but I was already aggravated and I didn't want to start any drama with these young women. K, noticed these two girls starring at me and stood in front of me. She didn't want them to look at me in the way that they were and she was ready to say something if one of them decided to get out of line. These young girls didn't know who they were messing with, K, wasn't the type of person you'd want to confront, though she has a smile on her face, she's the type to kick your ass and have no remorese about it. I tend to get a little ghetto and when I do, my true West Indian self tends to come out. I was trying to keep it in, but I know these girls didn't want a real Haitian cuss out, and I looked way too cute to have a foul mouth so I swallowed what I had to say and I let those two "DUSTY BROADS" stare. K and FP and I walked out and they were still staring, talk about HI HATER!!!

Why do women have to do that? Why must they give another woman the evil eye if she looks nice in what she is wearing? Why must it always be about who looks better and if I do look nicer than you do why must you roll your eyes and suck your teeth and mumble under your breath about me. Really WOMEN WHY???? Though I received ample amounts of compliments that day on my dress, it still bothered me that those two girls were looking at me with disgust, or envy. I think it was more envy and jealousy than anything else, but it made me mad and a bit self conscious the rest of the day. As I went home I began to think about why women acted the way that they did.

Living in NY where women outnumber men 7 to 1, I can see why some women are quick to throw those jealous stares at another womans way. I can recall on several occasions where even I gave someone an evil eye, not because she looked good in an outfit, but because she looked like a mess. I admire a well put together woman. A woman that looks nice and has on clothes that fit. I can compliment a woman on her style if I see it mimics my own, but when I see a young lady dressed as if she's about to walk down the street and sell herself it makes me upset. I want to go up to a girl like that and ask why must you dress like you're almost expecting to get picked up.
Don't get me wrong, I do have some short skirts and shorts, but there is a way of wearing them and not showing off too much skin. I think that if a woman knows her size she is able to appropriately wear her clothes without looking "whorish" then its all good!

I have seen my fair share of girls with jeans that are overly tight, where the rest of the skin just hangs on top, or the shirts that are a smedium, when she knows she's an extra-large. I mean really ladies.. WHY????? Whats with the muffin tops? IF you wear a size 16 there should be no reason why you're fitting your booty in a size 12. Wear your size!! I am a plus sized woman and I LOVE MYSELF, and just cause it was made in your size doesn't mean its for you. Screw that "If you're comfortable" crap! If you can't sit in your jeans then you shouldn't put them on. If you have to lay on the bed for your jeans to fit then, um hon. get a bigger size. As women our weight fluctuates and there are times when we aren't as small as we thought we were. Ok, enough of that ramble.

And lastly on this Wednesday, I have to say that I am fed up with my "friend!" He called me this past weekend and asked if I wanted to go out and spend some quality time. Now, I should've known better and told him no, but my feelings for him got the best of me and I went with it and said yes. BIG MISTAKE! He told me that he was coming from Long Island and would be by my apartment in another hour or two, well lets just say that its Wednesday and I still haven't heard from Ol' boy! Yes, its been 4 days and NOTHING! You think I'd learn! Nope, I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe that people are good. I should just realize that he's full of shit, and move on. As the day drudged on I was exhausted and fed up with just about everyone. My boss was getting on my nerves, my mom was pissing me off, and the guy that I liked did his disappearing trick again! But, suddenly out of no where I get a call from him and he wants to act like everything is peachy. NO NIGGAH its not! ( not a fan of the word but today it is needed) Don't act like you didn't have plans with me. You would think that these red flags would be an indication that he's not available to me. I finally realized that was what it was, he must not be available because no man, can just up and disappear like that without a trace. No man! Seriously. I cut him a new one, I flung out as many F' u and go F yourself as possible . I am too through (honestly this time) and he can go scratch! Thats it. I'm finished.

This day needs to just END! This has been the worst Wednesday EVER! What is going on!

Usually my Wednesday's are dull, mainly because no one really does anything on a Hump Day. But today, it was a bit extra for me. I couldn't wait for it to be Thursday! Just couldn't wait! Thank God this day is over. Amen~

20 REALIZATIONS!!

While surfing the blogosphere I stopped by one of my favorite bloggers page. Eb-the-Celeb, she had a list of 20 things that she has come to realize. I have to admit this through me for a little spin, predominantly because I haven't really sat down to think about anything new lately. I've been so preoccupied with work, and church and other activities that I haven't had the time to sit and ponder about this life of mine and how great it is.

So, thank you Eb, because of you I've come to some thought provoking realizations!

1. I've come to realize that my legs....
look fabulous in heels. Never realized how tight my skin is

2. I've come to realize that this weekend...
should be better than last weekend.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
I have a little bit of road rage

4. I've come to realize that i need...
to strengthen my relationship with God. I've fallen off so much!

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
my insecurities. I am learning to be more confident. New motto : Confidence is SEXY!!!!

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
I'm in the middle of a situation that I have no control over *(ditto Eb, I do concur with this one)

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
I make stupid phone calls, that result in questions the next day

8. I've come to realize that money...
is not a want in my life, its a need

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
aren't as sincere as they portray themselves to be. They tend to try to fool others when in actuality they're fooling themselves.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be..
a procrastinator. I'm a Libra its in my nature

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on...
this guy that I knew in college. He used to ignore me, now he's all on me. (Just don't want to let him know I'm digging him too)


12. I've come to realize that my mom...
is my everything. I am who I am because she's awesome! But, she gets on my nerves something FIERCE!!!

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is..
my crack. I can't live without it. I have lost my wallet, but have never lost my cell phone

14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning...
I tend to check my phone before I even brush my teeth

15. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep...
I had a good cry. Sometimes crying helps!

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
what is it about me that attracts these pitiful dudes? What is it that I put out that makes them come to me?

17. I've come to realize that my dad...
has never had the chance to tell me his side of what happened!

18. I've come to realize that when I get on myspace...
I still check my ex's page to see if he's done anything new. I'm pitiful I know

19. I've come to realize that I really want...
to finish these pre-req's for the Ph.D program!

20. I've come to realize that if I died today...

I'd be missed by so many people. My co-workers and friends really do love me! (warm tingly feeling inside)

Now, its time to really sit and think. Make some changes in my life. There needs to be some other realizations!

Talk about things that make you go hmmmmmm.....


My Turn- Tagged

YAY, my first tag!! I've never been tagged for anything since playing on the playground at my old catholic school. But, its nice to have been though about. MsKnowitall, posted some really good songs, and now its my turn to share with everyone in this blogesphere about the songs that got me moving and grooving this summer.

I try to remain as young and hip as possible with these young kids right now. I don't know if its because of my longing to return to my younger years of less responsibility and carelessness or its because I really just like the music..

The Rules
"List seven songs that you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring/summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."

MY LIST


  1. A millie- Lil' Wayne: I have to say that I have jumped on the Lil' Wayne band wagon with that song. No matter the mix I love it. The bass, the pump of the song. I just love it, there is something about this song that begins the summer. My favorite line in the whole song is "Ok your a goon, but what's a goon to a goblin, Nothin, nothin you ain't scarin nothin


  2. Heaven Sent- Keisha Cole: I love this song, its one of those songs that you play for the person that you're with. It lets them know that they are special to you. It also reminds me of the Mary J. Blige song "Everything" that was one of my favorite songs for the summer, absolutely LOVE this song!


  3. Coconut Juice-Tyga: Yes, he's a new artist, but the bass of the song is wonderful. It just pumps you up to dance and have a good time. I love it. "Put the lime in the coconut and twist it all up!" The words say it all!


  4. Closer- Ne-yo: Is there no song from this man that I DON'T LOVE! It reminds me of SUMMER. It first starts off slow, and then the songs tremble just drops and you just have to either start voguing or you're not feeling the music. Go Ne-YO!


  5. The Way that I love you- Ashanti : I have no clue why, but LOVE this song from Ashanti. She doesn't have the best vocals but I like it


  6. Cock it up-Beenie Man: Being the true West Indian that I am. I cannot have a list that doesn't include some sort of reggae music in it! And no other artist in the reggae industry makes music bangers like Beenie Man! Mr. Moses, or The Doctor however he wants to be referred to has hit it again with this song. Now, if you've never been to a "Dance" you probably won't know this song, nor have seen the dance for this song. But, just by the title alone you should get a good idea of how the dance is done. But, to endulge you I'll let you know. You actually bend over and "cock up" your backside. The dance is somewhat "stripperish" but I just like the song. No need to do that movements if you do go out to a club, just enjoy the song. Beenie Man is like no other!COCK IT UP - BEENIE MAN
  7. Imagine Me- Kirk Franklin: No list is complete without this song! My friends from church and I were having a discussion about the way God sees us, and this song is the perfect example. Now, being the sinner that I am I know that I have many flaws and faults, but God still loves me to no end. I party, and dance, and cry and all the other things. I have gone through my fair share of depression and doubt, and self hate, but God has loved me throug it all, and if I could see myself the way God sees me then life would be great.
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally finally I can...
Imagine me
I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can...
Imagine me
Being strong
And not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around
Can you imagine me? In a world (in a world) where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fears gone away
Can you imagine me?"

These are the songs of my summer. Its seems like things are going to be good. Music makes the world go round. Each song represents something. And now to pass on I am tagging!



TAGS

  1. Bougoisie-on-a Budget
  2. Eb the Celeb
  3. The Diva
  4. Jas-Man
  5. LadyNay
  6. Chubby Chocolate
  7. Kellz & Cris

You're next.. Lets see what has you jumping and dancing this summer!

I AM LIVID!!!! Ok, not as much anymore But I WAS!


I had started writing this blog a couple of days ago, and I didn't finish. I decided to re-write it after a couple of days of thought, and also it gave me time to calm down, things just seemed to get worse and worse as the days went by. As a friend of mine continually tells me, when it rains it pours.. I had to take a time out, if I had posted what I had originally was going to write I would come off sounding like the angry black woman, and lord knows that I didn't want to be portrayed as such. So here goes my blog and thought process after days of mellowing out and prayer. I'm fabulous and those who can't see it need to rush and get themselves glasses, cause I'm the bomb like TICK TICK!! (thank you lil' wayne for that line)

First off let me start off with Friday, remember that date that I had on the 27th of June. Well my blogger family, let me tell you. NOTHING happened, there was NO date. I was stood up! Yes, I was stood up! Can you believe that. Its 2008 who does that? I mean seriously!

I had gotten home after a long day at work. I was looking forward to hanging out with my "friend" because this date would be the tell all tale of what we were going to be. I wanted him to know that I was interested but I didn't want to come off desperate. So, when I got home I did the routine maintenance that women usually take when they prepare for a date. I groomed my legs and underarms because I was planning on wearing a sleeveless top and how embarrassing would it be to go out and have hairy pits. Say it with me people YUCK! So I got to shaving and cleaning and showering. Used Shea butter because I didn't want that ash effect later on that evening. I tend to get ashy as the night went on and Shea butter tends to keep the ash at bay.

My girlfriend calls me asking if I had begun to prep myself. Now, as the typical Libra, I am a born procrastinator. I always wait till the last minute to do things, but tonight I decided to be ahead of the game. I had gotten out my outfit and laid it on my bed because I didn't want to keep him waiting. How rude would that be. I chose a favorite pair of brown pumps that I don't wear (I wore them once and they are so beautiful that I wear them sparingly) Since, he's a tall individual I wanted some height, so the pumps were a good look. I decided to wear shorts black (yes I have thick thighs, but I don't care. My legs look nice in some shorts and pumps) and a brown neck tied shirt. My black and brown clutch to finish off the look. I was ready to go! All set, now just had to wait on him. I didn't have to do my hair because it was in braids. So I just pulled back some and pinned it in this cute style that I tend to do. My makeup was light but right. Smelled good, I dabbed on some of my favorite perfume (Lolita Lempicka) behind my ears and my wrist and my neck.

The time was 9, and the movie was suppose to start at 10:30. It gave him ample time to get to me and for us to drive to the city (Manhattan, for all you non-New Yorkers). I didn't want to seem over anxious so I didn't call and ask what time he was going to come (in hindsight maybe I should've) I just sat in my living room, waiting. 9 turned to 10 that turned to 11 that turned to 1. Pissed off was an understatement for what I was. I think that if he had eventually came I would've picked him up and flung him somewhere but he never did, nor did he call. I called him and surprise, surprise, it went to voicemail!

Me: Hey, whats up? Um, I just called to ask if you forgot about our meeting tonight. Its 1:20 am and I just wanted to know. ( stopped there and deleted the message, I sounded so desperate, and needy.. Oh no he was not going to get that from me! Definitely not)

I got undressed and went to bed. (Lord, give me strength not to call him in the morning and cuss his ass STINK.. I am such a West Indian!!!)

The next day I waited on him to call me. I waited and waited. NOTHING! I wasn't going to call him. I wasn't going to..I refused to, I was the one that was stood up, he had to call me and give me an explanation as to why I was home and not out watching a movie on Friday night! I am going to hold it down and NOT CALL HIM! I filled my day with errands and other odds and ends that I needed to do.

Sunday came and STILL NOTHING! In my mind I was like WTF??? Did he seriously forget about me? Or is he hurt somewhere? I'd feel like shit if he was hurt and I was here making a scene about being stood up when he was in the hospital or something worse! So I broke down and called him. The phone call went to voicemail

Me: Hey you! (trying not to sound both annoyed and pissed off) What's up? I haven't heard from you in a couple of days, just making sure that you're OK. Give me a call, when you can.

Sunday came and went and nothing. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, ( I started to really get nervous. I hadn't heard from him at all) Friday comes, I get a text from his sister.

Friend Sister: Hey, what time is your bbq?
Me: Its starting at 7, but knowing how haitians are you know we don't get it started till about 9.
Friend Sister: Ok, just wanted to know.
Me: Um, how's your brother? I haven't heard from him. Is he OK.
Friend Sister: Yeah, he's fine. Just going through somethings right now, he's keeping to himself
Me: Oh, OK. Just making sure he wasn't hurt some where. Oh, is he coming with you?
Friend Sister: No, he had something to do with a friend of his. But he may come and pick me up
Me: Ok, I'll see you later
Friend Sister: Yeah, def.

OH HELL NO! This idiot was fine. He was alive.... HELL NO! He couldn't be alive. Its been about a week since I've heard from and he had the nerve to be Ok, and not in a ditch somewhere... I don't think so. She must be mistaken, he must be in the hospital.

I know I sound insane and really mad, and truth is I was. I was LIVID!

Disclaimer: Angry Black Woman rant about to happen, please do not hold it against me!

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. THIS IDIOT KNEW I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HIM AND HE DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT HE COULDN'T MAKE IT, AND NOW ITS 8 DAYS LATER AND STILL NO PHONE CALL! WHAT THE HELL DOES, OR RATHER WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS. HE WASN'T ALL THAT FLY ANYWAY! DOES HE NOT KNOW WHO HE STOOD UP! HE WAS OK, AND JUST GOING THROUGH SOME THINGS, WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE WAS HE! I AM TOO THROUGH! NO MORE, I WOULD RATHER REMAIN HIS FRIEND IF HE WAS GOING TO TREAT ME THIS WAY! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OK, I feel better


So, the weekend comes and I am running around, handling things because my mom, had gone to Haiti on vacation and I wanted to have her things in and prepped before she came back. She called me and asked if everything was Ok. Naturally she asks for him, because my mom is a nosey Haitian and wants to know everything. I tell her that I'll speak to her when she gets home. She says, to me in her very thick Haitian accent "Tell me, he don't call you?" I say to her "MOM, I'll speak to you when I pick you up from the airport!" We hang up and I get angry again because I still haven't heard from him.

Monday, I get back to work. Regular Monday, work, work and more work. At about 3 in the afternoon I go downstairs to the shipping office to shoot the shit with my friends. It helps the day go by quicker. At about 3:30 I head back upstairs and notice that I have a missed call. I look at the phone thinking it was my cousin confirming our meeting for after work. But, it wasn't her. It was HIM! He called me from work, and left a voicemail

I check my voicemail and he says "Hey, its me. Give me a call when you get this."

I call his job back and ask his co-worker to speak to him. When he picks up the phone he has this almost nonchalant attitude. This makes me mad instantly. I have never been this angry with one person. Ok, I'm lying. Ivory made me mad especially after our breakup but that's another story in itself. But, this guy who I thought I was interested just got my blood pressure to go up in 3 seconds (OMG, I am becoming my mother, with her blood pressure stories)

ME: Hey what's up? I got your message
HIM: Hey, nothing much. I have to talk to you.
ME: Yeah, what's is going on?
HIM: Its, just somethings that have been going on.
ME: Alright, are things Ok? Anything bad happened?
HIM: Um, actually I can't talk cause I'm at work but tonight I'll definitely call and we'll speak. I need to tell you somethings.

We hang up. I go back to my desk and wonder and ponder on what he may have to tell me later on that night. I am curious? Is he going to tell me that he has someone and just couldn't tell me (I've been here before so nothing is impossible) I go through the rest of the day with the thought of what he going to tell me looming in the back of my mind. I decide to go and visit my friend Dre. He knows how to make my day better, though he sometimes gets under my skin with his corny, and I do mean CORNY jokes, I go to him for comic relief and some male perspective on this situation.

Dre tells me that homeboy must've had someone on the side and just didn't want to tell me. He claims that homeboy might've wanted to tell me but couldn't because he had a fear of losing me as a friend and a potential interest. I think its a crock of shit, but I tell Dre that I see his point and just continue to listen while him and his friend have idle banter about life and women! They sometimes forget that I am a woman, and I have to remind them that there is estrogen in the room, and to not fully generalize all women (but that's another blog story)

Time passes and guess what NO phone calls. Not one. Where was the explanation? What happened to I got to tell you what happened? See, just like I told Dre, LOAD OF SHIT!!!

I have come to the conclusion that I am way too good for this. I know most of you are probably going to scratch you head and go DUH.. but its my revelation to myself that I am way too good for this dude. What the heck was I thinking, when I wondered if he and I could go from being just friends to "interested lovers?"

Seriously, what was on my biscuit? As the days rolled by I found myself wondering and pondering less and less about him. Even when he called (which was sparingly, in comparison to when I first met him) I find myself just talking with him, and having no feelings. Its like he's just another guy that I know that I can talk to. Its only been about a week and half since the whole "stood up fiasco" but I'm Ok. I can deal.

This is the summer, just the beginning of it too. There will be other prospects and nothing is impossible. I am not going to limit myself to one individual, and an unworthy individual at that. I am no longer upset, nor annoyed. I'm too through, WHATEVER TREVOR!