I was hanging out with a friend the other night and we were talking about traits in the opposite sex that we find to be very attractive. I gave him my list of what I found to me most sexy in a man. Number one was a sense of style. I like a man to be able to dress well, it doesn't have to be name brand designer wear, but man that can work what he wears no matter where he bought them from. Another attraction of mine is smell, I LOVE a good smelling man. He can come from a hard days work, but if he smells just as he did when he first left home I am so head over heals for him, and of course an INTELLIGENT man. I love a man that can stimulate my mind. A man that can converse with me on a multitude of levels and keep my interest without boring me.
I then asked my friend what he found to be sexy in a woman. And the first thing out of his mouth was a woman who was confident. Knowing my friend I thought it was going to be something shallow but he said "confidence" that wasn't something that I didn't expect him to say, normally he'd say oh big breasts or a fat ass, but he is actually taking our conversation seriously and said CONFIDENCE. Then he randomly listed what he thought made a woman attractive. In addition to confidence my friend said that he found an intelligent woman attractive, a woman who was goal orientated and motivated to move forward. A woman who would be right next to him as he made his way up the ladder of life, and not a woman who was going to hold him back ( I thought this couldn't be my friend, impossible, I have NEVER heard him talk this way, I almost wanted to tear up because he was finally growing up.) He said he loved a take charge type of woman, and a woman who could both hang with the men and the women, and knew how to transition between the two.
I had to ask him what kind of confidence was he speaking of? He stated that he didn't like the conceit kind of confidence nor the arrogant type, but when a woman was sure of who she was and knew that she had a sense of self pride and awareness. So I began to wonder, how can a woman be confident? Or rather what makes a confident woman?
Growing up, I was never the most confident young lady. I think it was due to the fact that I was always made fun of. Always, the darkest, and the shortest and lastly the roundest. Always will be the chunky girl of the group. Most of my teenage years were spent wondering if I was as pretty like my light skinned skinny friends, but as I got older I grew into my skin. I love all the fullness of my thighs and the deep arch of my back. I like that my arms are full and that my face is round, yet and still confidence wasn't there. Its taking me some time to shed those years of torment, but I'm learning. Some co-workers of mine say that I exude a sense of confidence about me, but in actuality its because I love to take pictures, and having supervisors who are also photographers is an added bonus. So that's why I am always in front of the camera. But, back to being confident.
How can someone who isn't confident learn to become confident? While doing some research (women and self confidence) I found that low self-confidence is learned and sometimes it takes unlearning the learned that can help you break out of your shell. It takes a lot of time and determination for a person, especially a woman to learn to become confident. BUT How do you go about learning to become a more confident woman or what makes a confident woman confident? What attributes must a woman posses for her to be considered confident?
Many of the women that I have come into contact with, who I think have that flair of confidence always stand tall. They never slump or hunch their backs. They are proud women. Women, who are educated and know where they are going in life. So I think a confident woman Stands Tall through everything. Though she maybe having a horrible day she will not show it to anyone. She will be as strong as if nothing has happened.
Another attribute that I deem as confidence is attitude. I think for a woman to be confident she needs to have a confident attitude. Not saying that you have to be a jerk and talk down to others, but have an attitude that shows that you're aware of who you are and what you stand for. The confident woman with an attitude doesn't apologize for her stand on anything, she doesn't make excuses for it either. She tells it as it is and its up to you to determine how you're going to take it.
The confident woman, will be able to take criticism from anyone, including her signficant other or her superior and not break a sweat. The confident woman, understands that sometimes she isn't right, but she's not going to show any signs of weakness to anyone, even though it is her spouse or lover.
There are so many things that go into being confident. I am on my way there. There is so much to learn about being confident. I am taking each step to making myself the most confident woman I know. Joyce Meyer, writes a book on how to throw away insecurities. I think I am going to invest in it. ABC News took an excerpt from the book. :
- The confident woman know that she's loved.
- The confident woman refuses to live in fear.
- The confident woman avoids comparisons.
- The confident woman does not say "If only" and "What if"
- Ways to become confident:
- Break away from other's expectations.
- Learn to cope with criticism.
- Have an opinion.
- Refuse to pretend.
I am taking these little thing and adding them to my everyday life. Ladies, if you're looking for that extra something to make you more confident, look into these little things, it seems to make a world of difference.